day 2044 – ceramics retrieval

i was excited to collect my ceramics from last week’s culture event but disappointed the paint didn’t turn out the way i wanted it to. i had no idea the black paint would overpower the purple and pink stars. the purple spider web bowl, however, turned out quite cool. also super disappointed there’s no flipping for me today since both my ankles are busted and need to be rested. instead, i spent my time at the office working overtime to rush for the kits renders. i’m pushing hard to play hockey on friday even though my chiro is shaking his head

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day 1966 – open doors

dropping in to a rare visit to open gym because i want to make a big push to regain some moves before christmas break kicks in. i’ve had a rough patch and felt like i’ve lost a lot of what i worked so hard for. tonight i was given some basic instructions and drills to get me started on the moon kick. after i got tired or moon kicks, i threw some gainers into the foam pit. also touched on some front tucks, roundoffs, handstands and back tucks. it was a productive open gym and i’ll look for ways to go to some more

day 1906 – front tuck landed

i’m calling this my first official front tuck landed on the floor even though i had one last week that i wasn’t satisfied with. i was hesitant to attempt again; they sensed it but were still adamant on it from the get go. the pressure was strong and everyone had their eyes on me as i warmed myself up on the mats. i was feeling really iffy on the first ones, but eventually stuck a landing. i’m thankful they believed i could and gave me all the support possible. sometimes i need to be pushed; i wouldn’t have done it otherwise if they weren’t forcing it on me

30 share it [twenty six]

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i’m disappointed there’s so little belief in me and although it doesn’t take anything away from my ability, it bugs me more than i show it. it sucks to be looked upon with double standards because some just can’t accept the fact that girls can have the same abilities. i guess it’s all about their egos. i can’t control what others choose to believe, but i can control what i can do. i’ll still keep pushing forward like always

 

day 654 – kinesiologist revisit

imagemorning physio and revisiting one of the kinesiologist i have seen years ago but haven’t seen at the clinic in ages cause it’s been a long time since i last had a saturday appointment. but nothing really changes since both my kins are alike in some sense, except one challenges me more and the other makes fun of me more. the same routine applies: he gives me an exercise and i will complain momentarily, he doesn’t budge then i go off and do it. it was an easy day comparative to other visits, but muscle stim is never easy. got my back beaten up because it is so tight from all that throwing and lifting

face it

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after getting some unexpected news on unreasonable competition policy and feeling rather disheartened, i have really let it slip and fallen off the tracks completely. at a point where i am getting the feeling i am on the verge of giving up and hanging it up because it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. maybe i am feeling the pressure of all the expectations and i worry i won’t live up to it. or it could be the preposterous conditions and requirements the school is imposing that’s making me feel like they are denying our opportunities to grow and improve. it scares me to have the feeling that the competition doesn’t mean as much to me anymore because my interest doesn’t lie within the provinicial level. i don’t want to lose sight of the intended goals and give up on the things i have been striving for all this time because i am not ready to let it end. given the circumstances and the time constraints i have to work with, i can’t afford to have any off days that will ultimately put me two steps back each time. really needing a little push to get back in the groove, because it’s coming up so soon and time is a pressing issue. it’s a challenge i will have to face and push through the mind block no matter how much i disagree with their decision

take no excuses

image my leg was burning and could not muster another rep so i turned to my kinesiologist and said i am exhausted. he in turn stared at me with little compassion and told me i must tank it and keep going no matter what my body feels. every now and then, he would look over to check on me and tell me not to slack off because he knows me far too well. over the many years, the kins that worked with me knows exactly what i do to get out of doing things i consider difficult. i guess i have developed a slacker reputation and one that will stick with me for as long as i live. they no longer concede to any of my excuses or complaints because know that i give up too easily and only stay within my comfort zone. in other words, unless i puke, faint or die on the spot, i must keep going because he isn’t decreasing the reps or weight. and in at the end i survived it all and knew i had done something right for once. he told me he believed i was strong enough and forced me to find a way to tough it out, all i needed was a push. i’ll take that compliment with me and think about it at home. he also said that training is meant to be hard so to push me to my limit because it’s all about overcoming weaknesses. if the training was easy, i would be cheating myself. thankfully he hadn’t conceded to my whining otherwise i would have taken the easy way out for the two hundred thousandths time