day 2376 – not deserving

i felt like crap after training because i simply couldn’t replicate and connect my cartwheel with anything going backwards. i wanted help but no chance because he’s too focused helping one person. left the gym disappointed beating myself up. i didn’t deserve to eat so i went straight home so i wouldn’t tear up in front of people. whenever i don’t do what i need to, i would punish myself with no food because eating needs to be earned

eating habit

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i don’t know what exactly is going on, i just know that something is not right. i packed and planned what to eat daily, but i somehow accidentally on purpose refuse to eat. after a day’s work, a workout and a night of dodgeball, i find myself sitting at eight hundred. the outrageously low intake is slightly worrisome especially on a day like this when i have so much exertion. because i stack my schedule with back to back to backs, i don’t put eating as a priority. i get home not sure if i should eat or just sleep. i know for a fact my stomach is empty, but i tell myself that as long as i can fall sleep, it will solve the problem