hustling 2019

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2018 was demanding for it was intertwined with many accomplishments and disappointments that brought forth many mixed emotions. i can’t deny i had stretched myself too thin more times than i’d like, and the year had flown by before i knew it. i was overloaded at work where i experienced many influxes of workload; but through that, i had earned my stripes and established myself as a lead. outside of work, my play was also action-packed. i took a step back from taekwondo, but have the intention to step back in once my tricks and flips are ready. i wouldn’t say i had a particularly healthy year; not having escaped the injuries – this time being my shoulder. i lost sight of my fitness at times, but still kept it within reason. with all the successes and setbacks of the past twelve months, i had a lot of take backs knowing i had grown and proved that i could handle myself in uncomfortable situations. looking ahead, 2019 will be a year of hustle where i’ll be chasing some pretty ambitious goals i had set for myself. again, i expect myself to continue grinding and hustling for everything i’ve always wanted. i’m committed to investing the next three hundred and sixty five days to become the best version of myself

i experienced the best and worst of days in 2018, but nothing i couldn’t overcome. the darkest moments stung and the brightest moments shone, but above all, i managed to stay afloat. as 2018 departs, i’m looking ahead and expecting a lot out of myself in 2019

  • get healthy and stay injury-free #gethealthystayhealthy
  • consistent training #leanmachine
  • proper eating #eatsmart
  • love myself for who i am #selfcare
  • love my family #familymatters
  • reconnect with friends #circleoffriends
  • savings and assets #budgetlife
  • explore and travel the world #roamtheplanet
  • more me time for what sets my heart on fire #metimemovement
  • career advancement #careerdevelopment
  • step back onto the mat #roadtonationals
  • setting my priorities #prioritiesincheck
  • learn or take up new skills and knowledge #foreverlearning

i’m ready to make some gains and get the best out of what 2019 has in store. it’ll be one heck of a ride as i’m on a mission to find my strong

conquested us world open

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i felt tremendous pressure going into this year’s us world open for so many reasons – definitely tenfolds more than last year’s. last year being the first go had its uncertainties, but because of my successes, it gave me extra stress and pressure this time around to live up to the unwritten expectations. nationals in the summer gave me one of the biggest blows in my competition career. it was one of my worst performances to say the least; it almost made me certain i was going to call it quits for taekwondo competitions. since then, i haven’t willed myself to step onto the mat again to do what i thought i loved. thankfully, my competitiveness fought through to cling onto my competition dreams and didn’t allow me give up on my passion. slowly i left canadian nationals 2015 behind and began training again. it’s almost a year since my last competition experience. the layoff has definitely triggered endless pre-competition jitters. i withdrew from a competition in february due to fear and at times i had the biggest urge to withdraw from this one as well. i knew this year’s division would be even tougher than last because i would be up against two teammates of mine. we’re a team that supports each other but there’s no secret that i’m a competitor at heart. i didn’t want to lose and really wanted to live up to expectations, expectations that i have for myself. for that reason, the pressure really got into my head and i was struggling to concentrate on my game. luckily, i have all the right people around me to give me all the support to guide me through these tough times and bring the best out of me. they gave me the strength to carry on even at my weakest times. days leading up to the competition and even minutes prior to going on deck, my mind replayed all the things that was said to me. i had a lot to prove and i did exactly that. just like last us world open, i was the last to go in my school and last to go in my division. everyone from my team including the grandmaster were crowding around my ring. the long wait for my teammates to finish built up so much tension. to make it worse, the opening ceremony coincidentally started as it was my turn to step on the mat. from the start of division, i was so focused i zoned out everyone and including the demo music; it was my time – nothing but myself. i didn’t dare watch any of my competitors’ poomsaes or scores. in fact, i didn’t even look at my own scores so i had no idea what to expect as the judges announced the medallists. all i knew was i stepped off the mat confidently feeling good about the performance i had put forth. getting silver for individual is the silver lining to this trip and a great way to cap off us world open 2016. i felt my mental game was the strongest it’s ever been heading into a competition and i owe that to a lot of people. i feel some confidence and self belief slowly coming back to me

stumbling

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i can’t be certain if my mind and my heart will still be in one piece come end of this month. there were so many times this month when i sat alone in the dark wanting to cry, wanting to run myself through the wall, wanting to pull my hair out and wanting to quit everything. but then, when i think about it again, what good with that do?? would it solve all the problems and frustrations i have at hand?? before i did anything careless, i managed to step back to gather myself and viewed things from a broader angle. stumbling is part of life, falling down is a must because that’s when you learn what you are made of. i’m sure all the greats have fallen at some point in the lifetime but somehow they managed to get to where they are now. i know i had to make some big and extremely tough decisions lately, but i made them and will be able to live with it for the rest of my life. there’s a lot of things in my life worth striving for, a lot to look forward to in the future. i shouldn’t let one or two or a few setbacks dictate and ruin my life. i promised myself i would only give myself a week to dwell and regroup, but after that, i will once again find the determination to move closer to my dreams and goals

go time

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there’s so many haters out there and no matter how you try change their outlook, haters are going to hate. but i can’t worry about them and let them tell me otherwise. if they have nothing positive to say, i couldn’t care less about these haters and their worthless opinions. the best thing to do is just want to carry on with my missions and prove them wrong. let my actions speak for themselves and eventually they will either have to take back their criticism or eat their words. since the only thing in my control is to go out and do what i need to do, the rest will follow. if my mind is set on doing something, i should never fall short of doing so just because of someone’s comments. i honestly don’t need these people’s approval in order to fulfill what i believe are my goals, ambitions and what i consider to be the best that i can be. understand that they are haters for a reason – because they simply see you as a threat to be better than them and fail to keep up with you. it’s also not practical to have anyone take anything away from how hard i work and how bad i want to achieve something. bottom line is if it feels right, i will do everything i can to make it happen. end of story. it’s that simple and doesn’t need to be made complicated

resolution series: [twentyone] believe

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trust your heart and go with your instincts, it usually doesn’t lie. until you do what your heart desires, you will not live life to its fullest potential. belief is an important thing to develop because if you do not believe in yourself, who do you expect to believe in you?? i always followed the saying “if you believe in what you are doing, don’t let anyone stop you.” even if it means the rest of the world is against what you are about to do. that is precisely what i have been doing for many years and counting. even when everyone bade me to stop all that i do, i still do it because my heart wanted to and it felt that i could handle it. i was not prepared to give up tennis, taekwondo, dodgdeball, basketball for knitting or orgami. that isn’t my style and wouldn’t give me the satisfaction in life worth striving for. as a result each and every time i go out to compete, i go out with intent thinking of everything i have to prove. confidence has always been a weak spot because i don’t like spotlight. over the years, slowly but surely i am learning that it’s okay to make mistake cause i am not superman. just remember to trust my stuff, just go out there and give it my all. regardless of the outcome, i did the best i could. if there’s a will, there’s a way

resolution series: [nine] honesty

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being true to yourself means not cheating yourself because in the end you will realize you are only cheating yourself. there are no shortcuts in life because if it’s something worth achieving in life, it’s worth working for. the truth is often not easy to accept and sometimes it hurts deep down, but hurting is a good thing because it shows that it matters to you. i have fallen in that trap far too many times in the past and only recently have i realized how much wake up calls mean to me. i want to get better in this aspect because it is the only way to have continuous self improvements to be the best i can be. i find it far too easy for me to fall off track, but i am glad there’s people around me who stays honest with me and gives me the hard truth when i least expect it. i would be the first person to admit i am very stubborn and when i have a certain negative thought, it doesn’t wash away easily. i tend to let little slippages that slide away drag me down with it. it’s hard being a perfectionist because i have certain standards for myself and tend to put more stress and pressure on myself than need be. i will dwell on the mistakes and let them haunt me even if it is something very minor, but i suppose that’s not entirely a bad thing. if it is something that matters to me, i will not let that slip and only go out there to prove them wrong

persist

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things in life that’s worth working for is rarely easy, but it’s these things that makes life interesting. it’s only human nature to give up when things get hard. it’s even easier for one to feel deflated and hopeless when life becomes more of a struggle. but just because things aren’t going our way now, doesn’t mean they will stay that way. it’s in your own control to turn things around one hundred eighty degrees and make it how you want it to be. starting something is never easy, but keeping up with it is even more difficult. the decision is made, i am about to take on a challenge that feels a little daunting with a lot of self doubts but i think once i persevere through that, i would come out a stronger and better person. eager to started because once i get my feet wet, there’s no turning back. it’s just another character building challenge with lots to prove and lots to gain. this will be an evaluation of how much i want it and how much i am willing to stick with it