day 2233 – flip talks

during the late night dinner with the crew, had a bit of a truth moment when the topic of competition came up. deep down i know i want to compete, but being removed from the competition field for quite some time is a big obstacle. i know for me to make a comeback, i put a lot of pressure on myself to only compete when i’m confident i can do well; i just want to ensure i’m at my best. but as of right now so many factors are standing in my way and instilling so many doubts. for one, my foot is a problem because it’s not letting me have my preferred techniques. i can’t work on my roundoff combos and i avoid kicking combos whenever possible

day 2219 – x-out breaking

with crunch time in mind, i had to work my way through some back tuck troubles before i can think of anything else. after getting the consistency down, x-outs were back in the discussion. had a few good attempts with foam targets and acetate sheets; thought that was good enough progress from training. i wasn’t thinking of going for boards today, but it only happened because of them giving me the extra push. honestly if i hadn’t progressed to to boards either today or tomorrow, i would definitely call off the x-out breaking option

day 2213 – term ends

i survived one of the busiest summer term in my years at killarney. taekwondo in general has taken a toll on me and given me a lot of pressure. past few weeks has been nothing but preparing my students for both the colour belt test and blackbelt test which takes place tomorrow and next sunday. i poured my heart and soul in preparing them, hoping that they can perform at their best. their test aside, i’m also thinking about a more daunting task and milestone for myself. a milestone that i do not feel prepared for because of the lack of guidance from the grandmaster. i know that i’ll have to gear down because the last thing i want is to disappoint

day 2171 – late comer

i arrived extremely late for civil war and it was almost like a gear up speed test to get onto the ice in time for the second shift. i was close to not going to hockey at all because i had been tied up with taekwondo, tired from an extra long shift of teaching and just tired in general. somehow, i got convinced and pressured to show up; i guess better late than never. i had to book it home after our ice time because i’m expecting to wake up at 6am tomorrow

day 1906 – front tuck landed

i’m calling this my first official front tuck landed on the floor even though i had one last week that i wasn’t satisfied with. i was hesitant to attempt again; they sensed it but were still adamant on it from the get go. the pressure was strong and everyone had their eyes on me as i warmed myself up on the mats. i was feeling really iffy on the first ones, but eventually stuck a landing. i’m thankful they believed i could and gave me all the support possible. sometimes i need to be pushed; i wouldn’t have done it otherwise if they weren’t forcing it on me

day 1507 – working slave


this fifty nine hour work week makes me i more like a working slave. i was pressured into taking an extra teaching shift that i was reluctant to take. i didn’t want to work a thirteen hour breakless shift on a friday but that’s what it came to be. sifu made me very uncomfortable with all the things he’s forcing upon me; he expects me to take the roles of school poomsae coach and the team bc poomsae coach which comes with added certifications i must first complete. thinking of the increased regular training and time commitment stresses me out, as if i don’t have enough on my plate already

day 1478 – buckle down

it’s inexcusable that so many times i lose my self discipline and stray off from what i need to be doing. there’s been a lot of pressure from different sources of life and i’m struggling trying to stand my ground. i didn’t sign up for this, maybe i was meant to be alone in the dark, forever. i’m so stressed out; it’s been disappointing the stress has so much impact on my willpower and the lack of it. there is no excuse to not have a better habit and stick with what i want