happiness challenge

img_20200203_1413332924996265122092587.jpgstumbling across a neat little challenge that i also wanted to take on. i added a little spice to the original list and call this series the 30 days of happiness. for the thirty days in april, i’ll try to check off one item on this list each day. it doesn’t sound like much, but fulfilling one item a day would accumulate. the trick is no two days will be the same and by the time april end rolls around, many boxes will be checked off. by doing so, it makes my brain look for something good each day, regardless of whether i love or hate doing something. let’s keep the spring season ahead light and create a habit to be happy

day 1676 – good to great


img_20200203_1331426874807057382806336.jpgtrying to kickstart a good march with a quote on my whiteboard. sitting down with the boss for a swot session made me think really hard about my strengths and how i can make them from good to great. leaving the room with a new way of thinking through things and how i can grow as a human being in the work force. i can only imagine the series of coaching sessions will be a good place to boost my career growth. there’s a lot of brainstorming and homework to be done

day 1347 – blatt

who knew sour catch would be competing for blatt this playoff. it was a tough tier to be in and no surprise our playoff didn’t last long but maybe that’s not a bad thing because my shoulder is beyond wrecked when it doesn’t fully rotate. i do believe the team played the best we have all season; we laid it all out on the court and didn’t give an easy pass to either riceballz or pork. already looking forward to next season but first need to heal

30 share it [twenty six]

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i’m disappointed there’s so little belief in me and although it doesn’t take anything away from my ability, it bugs me more than i show it. it sucks to be looked upon with double standards because some just can’t accept the fact that girls can have the same abilities. i guess it’s all about their egos. i can’t control what others choose to believe, but i can control what i can do. i’ll still keep pushing forward like always

 

day 1216 – onboarding

img_20200204_2141105930001196133293209.jpgnot the typical onboarding day when i only have a company lunch with the bosses and don’t even get to sit down with my manager until the last hour of the day. with her going away on vacation, i’ll have to prove i can tread and swim in the deep end. it will be a big learning curve cause she’s already put a lot on my plate. i’m expected to learn on the fly, but it’s just another test for me to crush. first day so far so good; everyone tries to keep it a fun environment

my many doubts

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i have been troubled and drowning in my own thoughts which has me staying up late and thinking a lot lately. over the years, taekwondo has given me a lot to look forward to and a lot to be proud of, but that’s not to say it hasn’t given all sorts of pressure and stress. one could say competition has given me a sense of belonging, because it’s also where i found out that i too, could succeed. it’s taken my next to zero confidence and upping that to a level of being confident enough to step out on the mats alone and get things done. somehow, i feel competing is not what it used to be for me. i always felt the pressure leading up to each competition, but never have i felt it so intensely that i’ve become super stressed out and almost numb. is it a sign that i’m not doing it as a passion? is there such thing as a “martial arts block” like a “writer’s block”? sometimes i can’t differentiate if i am fulfilling my job to compete just because i’ve been doing so all along. i’m unsure whether it’s expected of me, or if it’s a self chosen decision. what makes this one different than the ones in the past that gives me so much more undue stress? a lot to be honest. first of all, i’m no longer under the coaches i’m used to, but directly under the watchful eyes of the grandmaster. second, my parents play a big factor. they seemingly have no expectations for my competition game because they have doubted me from the first day i took on taekwondo, but somehow still appears to have so much expectation. they never expected me to get anywhere close to blackbelt and even sought every opportunity to pry me away from the sport. the results at nationals really isn’t my focal point nor the reason i go to nationals. it wasn’t in the past, and this year’s isn’t any different. competing at such a high level is definitely a privilege i don’t take lightly. it’s an eye opener that’s all about the experience and through that i’ve gained so much more. i hope the grandmaster and others see it in the same light, but sometimes i am afraid of those who put a lot more weight in results and standings. i hate not living up to expectations and i hate letting people down; maybe i’ve done it way too much in the past. luckily, i am still able to find bright spots of supportive casts to put everything into perspective and make sure i keep going strong. they let me know that as long as i do everything within my powers and give it everything i got, i should have no regrets. so bottom line is – stop self doubting and stop second guessing, just get my shit together, work my ass off and let the rest play itself out

day 916 – resourcefulness

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fiddling with whatever i can get a hold of as the chat continued through the night. sometimes i need distractions to stay involved in a coversation. had an interesting conversation with really self driven and motivated people that’s always looking for ways to make an impact. the conversation made me think about things in a different perspectives and made me wonder if i would thrive with the same drive. what they taught me was you must first and foremost love what you do because there’s no purpose or reason in life without passion

fight for it

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very, very late last night, i finally gathered the courage and came to a tough decision to pass up on this year’s us open. this may be a rare opportunity in my lifetime to partake in such a massive event of exceptional calibre. i never ever in my life imagined myself being granted this opportunity but maybe because of that, it instilled so much fear in me. it would have been a superb experience, but not one that i felt i was ready to take on alone. i didn’t feel like my physical capabilities nor my mental game was ready for this level of competition. i can’t deny i am very disappointed i choose to back out of these opens because it’s something i’ve been really looking forward to for months and months. sometimes i think i would hate myself for letting this chance slip away, but it’s a decision i made and one that i will be able to live with. i know that this decision was as tough on me as it was for those who devoted so much time and energy in me – with their heart and soul and giving me only positive encouragements. there’s several individuals i want to single out for they were always around to listen to all my rants, troubles and everything in between. but none more so than the hardass nazi who never stopped believing in me, who listened to my many insecurities and tried to put everything into perspective in order to will me to take the challenge. i can’t express my gratitude for all the support i have received along the way. i am sorry i couldn’t make this happen, i wished i could find the inner strength to carry through with this. i may seem down and out at the moment, but with time i will recuperate and bounce back stronger than before. i haven’t lost my passion for competing, it’s simply a little setback that i must overcome. moving forward, i will work extra hard to better prepare myself for nationals. it’s going to happen

Aga – 一加一

she has a pretty good list of songs that’s worthy of staying on my car music album. i like this song but i don’t even know why. just something that i would like to listen to in the car and wouldn’t get tired of it even when it’s on repeat. i guess one plus one does equal two and that there’s possibility out of every seed you plant. everything you see is all about perspective

hiking adventure – quarry rock

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wouldn’t have been a fulfilling long weekend if i didn’t get to go out and enjoy the sunshine we’ve been blessed with. got the first hike of this summer out of the way. it’s a fairly short hike and rated one of the easier trails of vancouver so it’s definitely a good place to start. the roundtrip there and back was completed in under one and a half hour, in addition to the time spent taking photos and enjoying the scenery. the view at the peak is beautiful overlooking north vancouver. kayaked at this location a number of times but never have i gotten the view of deep cove from up top. hoping i would be able to go on a longer one with even greater rewards. good thing its just the beginning of august and there’s a whole month left before summer season starts to wrap up