day 2417 – webster night

stayed for open gym after the killarney session. in the final half hour of open gym, i worked a lot on my failing websters. i received tips and pointers and eventually found something that seemed to work for me. i did a bunch at the end to make sure i wouldn’t forget the tips and tweaks that made it work for me. it seems to be heading in the right direction and i’m told it’s close with the better landings on blue mat. i wonder when it’d be time to land one on floor, i don’t have much more patience left working on this

day 2411 – discouragements

sometimes i may show nothing on the surface, but deep inside i’m just discouraged and hurt. i couldn’t contain myself when i got home at night because it’s hard to accept i still have yet to get my webster and flash despite all the time and energy spent on it since november. it’s hard to swallow that everyone is improving so much quicker and here i am still working on the same thing time after time, still being told to be patient when i can no longer be patient. sometimes i wonder why i’m still going in to work on it when nothing is going to change. i don’t want to be the hard worker that gets nothing done

day 2451 – snowy disappointment

the forecast was correct as snow fell overnight. it wasn’t a whole lot, so i could still drive my mom’s car to work. i was hit with a bunch of disappointment at flipping tonight. what i felt in december came back again – i felt like i wasn’t getting the same support and learning opportunity. i’m pretty frustrated i’m not getting what i need to make progress. all i ever hear is i’m making progress, i’m missing technique; but i’m not getting any support or guidance as to how to fix that technique or what it is i need to do to get there. it’s the neglect and the constant empty promises that’s really getting to me. maybe my initial gut feeling was correct and i should pack it in because no one believes i can land anything anymore

day 2300 – calling my name

the platform and the barbell was taunting me as i walked across. i couldn’t help myself but to stop and try my hands at some cleans today. i didn’t get very far in weight, but i think it was smart for me to stay within a reasonable range. my foot was a little uncomfortable at times just going through some of the motions, but i managed and didn’t do any further damages. step by step i’m testing the limits of my foot and hoping my full return to sports can happen sooner rather than later. being on the disabled list has sucked and staying patient has never been one of my forte

day 1853 – back to flight

trust me i was feeling butterflies even in my veins straggling into the gym not knowing how my body will handle all the movements i’m about to do. aside from a few pieces of new equipment, everything about the place remained the same. i didn’t accomplish a whole lot, but getting through the class was an accomplishment within itself. i felt pleased that i had the guts to go head over heels on my first day back. i’ll take what i’m given for as long as my body takes to settle in. didn’t want to push it too hard and just want to be back tricking and flipping. i know that everything will start to click with time and repetition, but in the mean time it’s just putting in the work. work hard for what i want, but stay patient enough for what i’ve always wanted

day 1559 Рoccupational therapy 

walking into the hand therapy clinic made me feel inferior, maybe because of the ghetto apparatuses, maybe because i was outnumbered by elderlies. therapist did a few tests before i soaked my hand in a so called whirlpool. dipped my hand in a pot of wax before she started manipulating it in ways that was utmost uncomfortable. the passive force was tender at the shattered joint and the connecting soft tissue. i was told the improvement is promising, but also reminded me my bone was broken in pieces that also involved a joint. as such, there will be complications and requires much more patience from me

day 1420 Рdisconnect 

img_20200203_1331094659336958733890536.jpgthere’s no change since. the fact that i still feel alone hasn’t changed. it makes me wonder what difference it makes being in a relationship. i still feel i am on my own. has it gotten too comfortable to the point where communication can be so sparse and the disconnect can be so big?? i don’t have a lot of needs and i don’t demand for much, maybe that’s why i get pushed aside and pushed down in priorities. i try to sweep it under the rug but i can’t help noticing my patience that something will turn around is declining. holding on might not be the thing to do anymore