day 1502 Рautopilot 

no more autopilot moving forward because i’ve had enough of dormancy. made some ballsy moves just to make this happen; laying down a few protocols and making a few adjustments. i don’t like the way things are going and it’s about time i raise the bar for myself. i’m still struggling with pain in too many parts of my body but i’m taking painkillers everyday just so it gives me a chance to step it up. the harder it hurts, the more frustrated i get so the more i push. maybe that’s why its having snowballing effect

day 1500 – marathoner

it was a marathon day. robot league playoffs followed by a hockey triple header for blings, chicks and sticks, and civil war, all consecutive with an hour rest combined. chiro was not thrilled but in the end he let it be and allowed me go through with it. i had much fun playing in playing in tier 5 hockey for my first time. so glad that higher tier game was the first followed by middle tier and then low because i was out of gas by drop in. my si joint started to give me sharp pains again in the second series of playoffs. it seems like tylenol is part of my diet nowadays just so i can satisfy my basic movements. it would be a lot more fun when i can play pain free again. when will that be??

day 1495 – rendering

still made it to work feeling unwell since i need to crank out renderings for client. adamant on my gym routines after work regardless. part of my workout came to a halt when i felt sharp pain in my hip. i rested a little and popped some painkillers before leaving the gym with limbs shaking. sharp pain hit me again mid way through a dodgeball game; my hip felt paralyzed for a second and i couldn’t bend over. i have yet to play a robot night without pain and never knew how much this car accident would impact my daily life and movement. but what hurts most going home wasn’t my hip but my heart. this time i can’t really brush it off and pretend i’m okay with it

day 1490 – double header

was thinking my hip wouldn’t be up to playing if i had to take doses of advil but ended up playing both double header. it’s not the ideal weather for softball, but we expected the rain to fall and dressed appropriately. fielding first game at first base and second game at rover. got multi base hit game in both games but i swung the bat particularly well in the second game. baserunning iq could be better if i only focused more. it’s funny in between innings the ump told me i was fast; he probably wanted to say my speed saved my butt from an ill-advised decision

day 1469 – icbc rehab

the bad just got worse and now i’m put on a long chiro rehab program through icbc. the quality of life is just not there at the moment and i really want to give up. there’s no comfortable position between sitting, standing and laying down; basic mobility is compromised to the point where the pain keeps me from sleeping. it’s been a horrid week sleep deprived, not being able to go to gym, not playing sports like normal, not able to be myself. it’s asking for too much from me when i have reduce some of my physical activities and even hold off in some cases. i try not appear in pain but even staying strong has its limits and i’ve reached it. i don’t know if restricting all my sports is easier or death

day 1468 – recoil

found my blue jersey just in time for spring season opener tonight. it was a fun game, getting our first win of the season helps. my ribcage feels so aggravated i had to pop more tylenols. it’s not a good sign when even lying down hurts. the constant recoil is a concern because it’s never been so unstable before. it’s calling for another visit to the chiropractor office this week. i’m starting to think the whiplash from the car accident jolted something out of place without me knowing it. i’m starting go feel like 

day 1465 – over it

these things inadvertently keep me up at night. it’s been in the back of my mind recently and today put me over the top. perhaps i’m emotionally tired from tylenoling myself for the three jammed ribs. one thing i’ve set on is giving up on expectations of certain things if the importance was never placed to begin with. i don’t feel the same and i’m frustrated, but at the same time indifferent because i’m not about to press for something that cannot be attained. i’ve learned it was never there for me and if it mattered it’d stick