day 2454 – stubborn knee

it’s hard to stay positive when i was all eager to train raiz into red, but i can’t carry out the drill because my knee simply can’t take the landing on the mat. it started to get inflamed after five attempts and i wasn’t even at a point where i was doing it right yet. i teared up a little getting overly flustered and frustrated. the stubborn me says i’m still going to do this drill no matter what because i’m determined to get this move

day 2327 – physio revisit

my day off spent seeing doctors with a stick and puck session in between. the last time i was at this clinic was back in march. that time i was already attending to the same ankle injury. the only difference is this time i already know that my ankle ligament is torn and there’s nothing he can do to fix it permanently. he worked on my shoulder and elbow for the longest time before putting my ankle back into alignment, but said i’ll have need to wear an aircast brace for stability. it honestly isn’t something i can accept for the rest of my life

day 2284 – inflammable

both my ankles started to swell up hours after my prp treatment, the right one more so than the left. i couldn’t move it up or down and i felt the internal battle and the pain within my bloodstream. the spots were tender from the needle injections and the area was burning hot. needless to say, i had a very rough and restless night because the pain was so much. i’ve never had it so bad that thoughts of amputation crept into my mind. i literally crawled to get tylenol hoping to catch some shut eye

day 2279 – foot issue

everything seemed fine during training and i even landed my handspring on floor midway through. two hours after the fact, my foot started having shooting pain. i’m beyond puzzled why my foot is in so much pain that i ended up at the emergency. the area below my ankle had a big hard bump that i described as bone-like. i went through the standard protocol and took xrays, left the hospital with the doctor diagnosing it as an achilles tendonitis. i had a chiro and physio take a look and both think it’s much more than that. i could no longer weight bear and had to resort to crutches to get around

day 2269 – broken teacher

trying to teach all the classes being on less than one foot combined. my left didn’t work well before and now my right is heavily crippled. capping off the last class of the shift with the poomsae competition team. surprisingly made it through the whole shift without having to demonstrate any kick at full speed or full power. it helps that all classes went smoothly and all except the first class came ready to learn

day 2268 – sky fallen

it feels like the world just crashed on me. i wish my first instinct was incorrect, but i’m pretty certain i’ve just torn my other retinaculum during the battle. it was a bad judgment on my part – i shouldn’t have tried to sync the cartwheel back tuck and should just went for it on my own. now my everything is in jeopardy and i can’t help by think that my hopes and dreams of competing or even tricking in general could all be over. it hurts thinking not even reconstructive surgery can be a solution and all i can do is keep waiting and hope there’s a chance it will heal itself to a usable state. no one truly understands the physical pain i’m going through at the moment, and definitely don’t understand how much this hinders me in all the things i do and love doing. i just know i’m not ready to say goodbye to any of those things

day 2189 – fainty

been a while since i had it so bad. so bad that i left work early and took a nap in my car before i knew i was in condition to be behind the wheel. the fact that i nearly fainted was the reason i skipped out on flipping today and headed home. i was pretty sad but it left me with no choice but to crawl into bed. i hope to feel better tomorrow because i still got work to do, workout to crush and softball to play