believe myself

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i told myself time after time that i wouldn’t spill because i shouldn’t let any negativity ruin my holiday mood, and then things happened again which really put me over the top. people never realize how much crap i take from others. i take them in like a sponge, but it never dissipates. i just bury my emotions deep inside so no one can see; hidden so well others forget i have feelings, so well sometimes i forget too. i brush it off like it doesn’t hurt but it does. i just wished people were a little more sensitive with their comments and actions.  my silence just means i chose to hold my thoughts in, but the feeling of disconnect and exclusion still exists. it hurts assumptions were made without understanding how hard i worked. those who haven’t seen me at my worst have no idea what i’ve gone through and what it was like to get here. don’t look down upon me and make presumptions that i’m not good enough. i’ve worked far too hard for anyone to tell me otherwise. i learned that even when i’m belittled, i’ll still believe in myself because i’ve proven i can stand alone. sometimes a little consideration goes a long way because never underestimate the power of the little things that make a big difference

 

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day 909 – letup

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a rare and validated rest day after a crazy action packed monday. my whole body especially my legs are feeling each rep and every move that i did yesterday. i really did go all out and overboard with dodgeball. as crazy as it sounds, i really did attempt to get my exercise in, but my legs just wouldn’t allow. i am urged to take the day off to stretch and roll instead of overtraining and put myself at risk

day 604 – bashed legs

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my legs are bashed with countless bruises from everything as of late. i didn’t even realize how much damage was caused and what i did that may have caused it but it may or may not be a harmful thing. i guess its just another sign my pain receptors no longer feel its something that requires my attention. it’s probably preferable my legs don’t take any additional beating until the current ones subsides. i think my physio’s going to have a thing or two to say when he sees this

day 379 – who am i kidding

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I find it hard to believe i am making my way to the gym even though my legs are sore as ever. i would be lucky if i am still able to move and function properly tomorrow. but i do whatever to destress and digress from what’s been happening in my life as of late. hope i can weather the storm and these troubles gets resolved soon and everyone moves on to more important things at hand

day 340 – recovery day

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out of commission all day while i am getting my protein dosage and jacuzzi going. it’s hard after being so inactive for so long and then trying to get back into the grove. went all out during yesterday’s dodgeball tournament and now my body aches all over. needless to say i don’t like long lay offs and definitely don’t like to be shut down at all

day 51 – completely overdone

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sparring, dodgeball, exercises and physio back to back to back to back can take its toll on one’s body. i am paying for overdoing it this week with ribcage sore to the bone it hurts to laugh, cough, speak loudly and move. hoping a jacuzzi would help my sorry body cope with the pain

day 44 – my friend

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think i had overdone it yesterday doing something odd or not realizing what i had done that made it more sore than it needs to be. in search of my good friend ben to solve all my problems and allow my body to continue to work. where’s my magical ben when i need him very so badly