day 1638 – hand specialist 


i know my way around the clinic the second time around. it’s even the same radiologist that helped me take another batch of xrays. the bad news couldn’t get any worse as each batch of xrays is worse than the preceding. the ones taken today shows my bone is now displaced and not growing in the right place. with that, the specialist decided surgery tomorrow and i’ll be opened to do one of the two possible procedures. the news hit me hard, so stunned i wasn’t able to collect any of my emotions to react or think. the rest of the day was a blur because i felt like i was completely empty inside with no feelings, no appetite, no motivation and none of anything. i beared it all, i beared all that burden alone as if i’ve always been alone. i finally cried well into the evening and i’m glad i did; i found out at least i have emotions. i’m not scared of the procedure, but the thought of having something inserted in me makes me not me

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day 1623 – obyf oddities 

acting obyfs cause more than half of the originals were not present for photoweek. showing up to the gym not being able to play is a bad feeling, but i’m taken there for my teammates. i don’t know how long i’ll be in a cast and in reality how long i’ll be out, but the bigger question is how long i can handle myself before the negativity begins to be harmful to my health and before i self destruct 

day 1561 – doms 

a day after a hit my squat pr at an unexpected time, doms has taken control over and my legs are out of commission. i longed to reach my peak again and kin forced it to happen. he said that’s enough of plateau and wanted to break it for me. i’m glad he cracked me cause i would never have made the bold move myself. hope this is the first and my other personal best will be coming once i am completely out of rehab 

day 951 – pants on

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i spoke too soon and now i am once again out of commission. misfortunes happen and sometimes i lose all my motivation because i can’t seem to catch a break. i’m not going into details and won’t be disclosing any pictorials. all i’m saying is i’ll be switching back to wearing my pj pants around the house as opposed to shorts so my parents will not freak out. last thing i need is to give my parents more things to worry about and more reason to ask me to stop my activities

day 554 – how i feel now

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the sign indicates my current situation. that’s how me and my body feels right now when all i can do is stay home in bed while constantly feeding it drug after drug. but all i really want to do is get out and train, go to the gym, hangout with people, do my regular activities. i really can’t stop feeling the gym withdrawal. it’s never a good sign when i get sent home within the first hour

day 441 – last minute tune up

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doing some last minute tuning before heading south for competition this weekend. there was something noticeably wrong with my wrist, but was also told knee cap was once again shifted out. that took me by surprise because i was feeling and functioning just fine since last visit. i guess my body has lost the ability to feel. this brings bad news to my dodgeball team because it means i must take the night off all physical activities

day 340 – recovery day

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out of commission all day while i am getting my protein dosage and jacuzzi going. it’s hard after being so inactive for so long and then trying to get back into the grove. went all out during yesterday’s dodgeball tournament and now my body aches all over. needless to say i don’t like long lay offs and definitely don’t like to be shut down at all