day 1498 – hiatus

having a hard time accepting the point it’s gotten to and where it’s headed. the hiatus must be changed because i feel it has regressed. i’m not going to settle for less because satisfactory just doesn’t cut it. when asked what i’m getting in return from all my sacrifices, i really couldn’t answer. now that i think about it, i’ve sacrificed myself too much without really much in return just because i let my limits be pushed. the accumulated frustration of neglected feelings and my well-being is tarting to show and i hate to think that i’m only called upon when i can be of benefit. i was warned that i’ll reach the point of snapping when i’m fed up with the one-sidedness

believe myself

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i told myself time after time that i wouldn’t spill because i shouldn’t let any negativity ruin my holiday mood, and then things happened again which really put me over the top. people never realize how much crap i take from others. i take them in like a sponge, but it never dissipates. i just bury my emotions deep inside so no one can see; hidden so well others forget i have feelings, so well sometimes i forget too. i brush it off like it doesn’t hurt but it does. i just wished people were a little more sensitive with their comments and actions.  my silence just means i chose to hold my thoughts in, but the feeling of disconnect and exclusion still exists. it hurts assumptions were made without understanding how hard i worked. those who haven’t seen me at my worst have no idea what i’ve gone through and what it was like to get here. don’t look down upon me and make presumptions that i’m not good enough. i’ve worked far too hard for anyone to tell me otherwise. i learned that even when i’m belittled, i’ll still believe in myself because i’ve proven i can stand alone. sometimes a little consideration goes a long way because never underestimate the power of the little things that make a big difference