day 2182 – bobby wing

hit up the ironwood new wings after flightclub because it’s wednesday wings night. i had a pound of wings and agreed to share an order of the exclusive bobby wings. i really enjoyed my east meets west wings, but can’t say the same for the bobby wings. when i signed the waiver i was determined to finish one and aimed for two. at first bite, my lips burned, tongue numbed and eyes watered. even then i took a third bite which may have been a mistake. i don’t regret having taken on this offer since it’s something i wanted to see for myself

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day 1856 – disassembled

pain is something i have a lot of experience of and much tolerance for. of the fifteen years i’ve been seeing my physio, i never felt so close to passing out from the pain inflicted. wanting to get me back into my sports and away from dysfunctional shoulder, he didn’t hold back and completely crushed me into bits. i laid on the massage table for an extra minute before i could regain my senses and pick myself off it and onto my feet. even at the end of the day, it hurt so much that my whole shoulder is numb and to the point it’s lost all its powers and ability to move. the analogy is a race car arriving at a pit stop to get ripped apart for repairs. felt a lot like physio tore me apart and reassembled my shoulder. this is the price i pay to fix my shoulder, but i’d rather pay for it to get me back in the game without restrictions

day 1391 – stat work

the office was as empty as the roads were during rush hour today. the office was quiet on a statutory holiday but the increased productivity was much needed for my friday deadline. feeling unrested and uneasy all week long because all i can think about is my teammates flying off to nationals; i should be with them, but i’m not. i’ve been using many things to numb my feelings and emotions until something can act as sleeping pills. work is one of them and i keep being my workaholic self to not allow myself any down time so i don’t end my night in tears

day 1341 – solituding

the only bright spot on this day was watching federer take his third title this year. otherwise i spent it in solitude as quiet time are never good times when being crushed by my troubles. needing to get out because i can’t stand being at home and confined by myself. at least gym is a place of hiding and numbing because it’s a place i can be respected. outside and being with people makes me hide my sorrows, but i know i’m only masking for what i want to bury even deeper

day 1300 – less sensation

it was a bad ending to a monday night aggravating my hip at dodgeball shortly after having pulled it at taekwondo. i went home the whole way not having sensation in my right leg from my hip down; not a feeling i’ve ever felt. my night has been rounds of ice, heat and patch repeat. i can’t get my mind off two things: what happens with my competition and can i play my games this week. i’m doing lots to make it go away