day 756 – beat the rough

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late night gym time all to myself to digress because it has been a rough day. just needed some time alone to let me mind rest and let it all out and couldn’t think of a better place than this. i figured this is a better way of putting my excess and bottled up energy to use because earlier today i came ever so close to kicking someone in the face and had to use every possible reason to restrain myself from letting my limbs loose. if it did, she wouldn’t even know what hit her. i can’t believe how rude and irritating some people could be; she clearly crossed the line today and i take no exception

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take no excuses

image my leg was burning and could not muster another rep so i turned to my kinesiologist and said i am exhausted. he in turn stared at me with little compassion and told me i must tank it and keep going no matter what my body feels. every now and then, he would look over to check on me and tell me not to slack off because he knows me far too well. over the many years, the kins that worked with me knows exactly what i do to get out of doing things i consider difficult. i guess i have developed a slacker reputation and one that will stick with me for as long as i live. they no longer concede to any of my excuses or complaints because know that i give up too easily and only stay within my comfort zone. in other words, unless i puke, faint or die on the spot, i must keep going because he isn’t decreasing the reps or weight. and in at the end i survived it all and knew i had done something right for once. he told me he believed i was strong enough and forced me to find a way to tough it out, all i needed was a push. i’ll take that compliment with me and think about it at home. he also said that training is meant to be hard so to push me to my limit because it’s all about overcoming weaknesses. if the training was easy, i would be cheating myself. thankfully he hadn’t conceded to my whining otherwise i would have taken the easy way out for the two hundred thousandths time

day 191 – stabbed in the heart

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the moments when you know you have been right all along and it just took someone the effort to simply ask for clarification rather than misinterpret and then wrongly accuse. the dissatisfaction of already taking the undeserving heat based on wrong accusation cannot be compensated and that whatever is said or done cannot be undone. this is what keeps me up at night and is directly related to my sleeplessness. truly disappointed of the whole situation but the only bright point i can take with me is knowing my intentions were clear from the beginning and never once doubted myself. at the end of the day, i am who i am