day 1778 – handspring 

it was a rough day with so much fluttering through my mind and possibly a big decision oncoming. i few messages sent my way in the morning almost made me explode. i didn’t feel like going to flip after work, but i did anyway. wasn’t too bad with my first cracked at combos and crash course on front handsprings. i was, however, terrible at back tucks and didn’t bother doing anymore than three before i called it a day. i went home feeling quite disappointed and down. it’s just one of those off days that wasn’t meant to be, but i’ll come back clean and try again next time

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day 1772 – six innings

fielded only six innings against wombats before time cap because we struggled to get outs. it was a little windy and fielding more than not didn’t allow me to stay warm and into the game. even at the plate, i didn’t have a good swinging night with two walks and two infield outs. if i recall correctly, wombats are in tier c. we’re still sitting at two wins thus far but we still had fun like we always do. encouraging signs that everyone is still learning and improving as each game goes by

day 1430 –  squat hard 

i was definitely frustrated waking up because i stayed up working on payroll and i woke up with another email of explanations. work in the afternoon dragged on and i longed to get out. i didn’t feel particularly good during my workout today and felt weaker than other days. schedule just haven’t had time to hit up the gym. not having done so all week long is really showing in my squats but i still hit it hard knowing i’ll feel it even harder the next day

day 1342 – fortunate and unfortunate

i consider myself very lucky still eating my brother’s birthday cake with family despite everything that could go wrong is going wrong. if my reaction came any later at the speed it unfolded, i may have been on my way out. as i sit alone at night with thoughts flowing in and out, thinking i may or may not have a legacy to leave behind. i just know i still have a lot untried and unaccomplished, and all my dearest and a ton of regrets i can’t bear to leave behind

 

day 1310 – matcha koala 

thank you for bringing me koalas when i needed a spark in my day. getting the special delivery eases the tears because it made me feel special. it’s not easy to swallow the heartless things i received, but with time, open ears and tender loving care, i will be okay. it wasn’t the best of days, but i’ll hold my head up and continue to trek. in the meantime, i’ve got a competition to get to and lots of last minute packing to do

day 1250 – diffident

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it was new years day and i just wanted to be home so i could be antisocial. being rattled and feeling unworthy in so many ways. my disappointment and discomfort loomed over, i didn’t even make it into the gym. instead, i rang in the new year with all sorts of organizational work and kept myself as busy as possible. i worked like a robot and had a productive day, but i didn’t feel much satisfaction. i spent the night spilling my thoughts on the keyboard to erase today and start again tomorrow

day 1218 – irregularities

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i’ll get use to leaving the house when the sky is still pitch black. but it’ll take much more to adapt to sleeping earlier. stationary objects orbiting around me probably means something isn’t functioning properly. felt so faint for much of the day with a banging headache and stomachache. something is definitely wrong but i’m not sure what; i just know i don’t want to take drugs