day 1430 –  squat hard 

i was definitely frustrated waking up because i stayed up working on payroll and i woke up with another email of explanations. work in the afternoon dragged on and i longed to get out. i didn’t feel particularly good during my workout today and felt weaker than other days. schedule just haven’t had time to hit up the gym. not having done so all week long is really showing in my squats but i still hit it hard knowing i’ll feel it even harder the next day

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day 1342 – fortunate and unfortunate

i consider myself very lucky still eating my brother’s birthday cake with family despite everything that could go wrong is going wrong. if my reaction came any later at the speed it unfolded, i may have been on my way out. as i sit alone at night with thoughts flowing in and out, thinking i may or may not have a legacy to leave behind. i just know i still have a lot untried and unaccomplished, and all my dearest and a ton of regrets i can’t bear to leave behind

 

day 1310 – matcha koala 

thank you for bringing me koalas when i needed a spark in my day. getting the special delivery eases the tears because it made me feel special. it’s not easy to swallow the heartless things i received, but with time, open ears and tender loving care, i will be okay. it wasn’t the best of days, but i’ll hold my head up and continue to trek. in the meantime, i’ve got a competition to get to and lots of last minute packing to do

day 1250 – diffident

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it was new years day and i just wanted to be home so i could be antisocial. being rattled and feeling unworthy in so many ways. my disappointment and discomfort loomed over, i didn’t even make it into the gym. instead, i rang in the new year with all sorts of organizational work and kept myself as busy as possible. i worked like a robot and had a productive day, but i didn’t feel much satisfaction. i spent the night spilling my thoughts on the keyboard to erase today and start again tomorrow

day 1218 – irregularities

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i’ll get use to leaving the house when the sky is still pitch black. but it’ll take much more to adapt to sleeping earlier. stationary objects orbiting around me probably means something isn’t functioning properly. felt so faint for much of the day with a banging headache and stomachache. something is definitely wrong but i’m not sure what; i just know i don’t want to take drugs

day 1091 – stung

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sometimes people don’t know how hurtful their words can be. but nature, i don’t speak up for myself, but just because i don’t react or stand up for myself, doesn’t mean i agree with how it was played out. it just means i’ve already taken blows that people never noticed. i’m learning to take them as they come and move forward like it never hurt. today i took multiple blows – physically, mentally and emotionally. sometimes i fail in this regard to let others dictate because i care about their feelings more than mine

day 951 – pants on

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i spoke too soon and now i am once again out of commission. misfortunes happen and sometimes i lose all my motivation because i can’t seem to catch a break. i’m not going into details and won’t be disclosing any pictorials. all i’m saying is i’ll be switching back to wearing my pj pants around the house as opposed to shorts so my parents will not freak out. last thing i need is to give my parents more things to worry about and more reason to ask me to stop my activities