day 1788 – stranger things

i’ve failed to do any of my heavy lifts for a while now because i’ve been so occupied with many things from all directions. to be honest, i think the number one cause that’s keeping me away is being overworked at work. i’m constantly stressed and sleep deprived, i think more than half a year without vacation makes me more weary than i know it. there’s not much of a work life balance and that needs to change. i’m going back to the drawing board to map out what needs to be done to get myself back into equilibrium – that means going back into the gym doing things i love

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day 1548 Рhand specialist 


i know my way around the clinic the second time around and the same radiologist helped me take another batch of xrays. the bad news couldn’t get any worse each batch as the ones taken today shows my bone is now displaced and not in the right place. with that, the specialist decided surgery will take place tomorrow and i’ll be opened to do one of the two possible procedures. the news hit me hard, so stunned i wasn’t able to collect any of my emotions to react or think. the rest of the day was a blur because i felt completely empty inside with no feelings, no appetite, no motivation and none of anything. i beared all that burden alone as if i’ve always been alone from the start. i finally cried well into the evening and i’m glad i did; i found out at least i have emotions. i’m not scared of the procedure, but the thought of having something inserted in me makes me not me

day 1147 – evening

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this is where i was in the evening, doing my thing in the architectural building. today was a really strange day which no routine, no structure where i had no proper meal. the conflicting feeling when i felt like i did a lot of things and at the same time felt like i did nothing. i don’t like it this way, let’s go back to the structured life and restore a little order and discipline

day 946 – nothingness

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did absolutely nothing besides sleep, eat and more sleep. i don’t recall what i ate today but even if i did, it probably had no flavour to it. life is outright boring when i can’t be myself and function like always. time passes by a lot slower when i am not having any fun. i know it’s only been three days, but my body truly believes it’s been rotting for three weeks. i think i am going to try to hit the gym tomorrow regardless, unless i collapse before i make it there