day 1795 – seven tissues deepĀ 

crappy does it when showing up to hockey with the last of my fuel to do everything i could do and still get shat on for one thing i didn’t do. it also doesn’t help that the cherry picking linemate told me i stopped skating. thanks but no thanks, but at least i’m the one up doing forechecks and rush back to finish my backchecks while you wait at the red line for that perfect pass. i got home really bitter and that one thought alone kept me up late at night. it’s one thing to have high expectations, it’s another to be shatting on me for one thing i couldn’t do without gas left in my tank. i’m beyond upset and didn’t feel the need to even react to anymore comments 

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day 1788 – stranger things

i’ve failed to do any of my heavy lifts for a while now because i’ve been so occupied with many things from all directions. to be honest, i think the number one cause that’s keeping me away is being overworked at work. i’m constantly stressed and sleep deprived, i think more than half a year without vacation makes me more weary than i know it. there’s not much of a work life balance and that needs to change. i’m going back to the drawing board to map out what needs to be done to get myself back into equilibrium – that means going back into the gym doing things i love

day 1778 – handspringĀ 

it was a rough day with so much fluttering through my mind and possibly a big decision oncoming. i few messages sent my way in the morning almost made me explode. i didn’t feel like going to flip after work, but i did anyway. wasn’t too bad with my first cracked at combos and crash course on front handsprings. i was, however, terrible at back tucks and didn’t bother doing anymore than three before i called it a day. i went home feeling quite disappointed and down. it’s just one of those off days that wasn’t meant to be, but i’ll come back clean and try again next time

day 1746 – ripped off


being a saturday, i hadn’t had much to eat all day – a peanut butter toast and almond milk. hence i was really looking forward to some good food at the exec season ender. that was not the case. when our 7:30pm reservation time came around, only eleven people were on time. as a result, everything was delayed and we didn’t get our first dish until quarter past eight. by then i had to stop eating because i had hockey to play. i stayed as long as i could, i mingled and chatted, but that doesn’t change i only had one gyoza down my stomach. needless to say, i left for hockey hungry and feeling ripped off. i played and scored, and left the rink for food so my stomach can stop eating itself 

day 1650 – free boosters

free booster juice for the design team courtesy of manager who won the super bowl trivia. i’ll gladly take the strawberry storm smoothie over my lunch because i had a major toothache from the mini surgery. it hurt so much to eat i don’t even have much of an appetite anyways. i was told i looked sick and i certainly felt unwell since it kept me up all night. if i can’t catch some sleep again, i might have to pop some tylenols or go back to my dentist. i’m not a happy camper at the moment

day 1558 – polar


the start of november has seen some cold days, so cold it’s already reached below zero temperature. the sunshine makes me want to walk outside, but the cold went deep through the skin and into the bone within a minute. i haven’t put away my summer clothes yet and already miss the summer days. daylight savings ending makes it darker and colder earlier. deep inside my heart feels as cold as the air outside; i only wish there’s a fix to what’s wounded inside

day 1543 – muggy days


a whole week of wet and muggy weather further dampens my already bad mood at the moment. day fourteen of being in a splint and i can’t help but feel very depressed that i can’t do seemingly basic things. others just see me as being grumpy; it’s hard for anyone to understand what it means to me to be on the sideline missing out what i love doing. i’m doing everything to the best of my abilities, and that makes people forget how much pain and inconvenience i’m in. the countdown continues, but the thought of taking the risk is always on my mind