day 1510 – hand pain

it’s back to square one. after my making my first catch of the dodgeball night, my hand was in excruciating pain and could no longer grip a ball properly. being me, i thought that if i taped it would allow me to play; if i taped more i could continue; and if i tape enough to make it immobile, i could finish the night. i finished the night, but once the last game was over, i realized i no longer have a functional hand. it does open nor close, it doesn’t hold a fork, nor a steering wheel; it basically doesn’t function for my basic needs

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day 1380 – the mopesĀ 

this is the time when i don’t want to have feelings because i only feel pain. it’s atypical for me to complain about pain and let the pain affect my life, but this is not normal when i can’t even move my head to look down or rotate my torso to get up. not quite sure what the hell is going on with my body besides life being hell right now. it’s frustrating me so much if affects the entirety of my life at the moment