a peek way back to the glasses photos – do i miss those days? the quick and short answer is no. the convenience of not having to looking for my glasses pack my contact is unreal. though i still need to go for periodic checkups, i’d say i’m doing quite well having regained most of my vision since going under the laser. proves that my decision to pay up the dough and go through the week long painful inconvenience is worth the benefits in the long run
i’ve always been reminded to never take life for granted and live life to its fullest with no regrets. flashback to last year when i was one with the wave and riding on water for the very first time. i crossed off one thing from my bucketlist that day; i wonder what it would be this summer. summer season is upon us once again and if we’re not careful, it will flash by before we know it
i have been troubled and drowning in my own thoughts which has me staying up late and thinking a lot lately. over the years, taekwondo has given me a lot to look forward to and a lot to be proud of, but that’s not to say it hasn’t given all sorts of pressure and stress. one could say competition has given me a sense of belonging, because it’s also where i found out that i too, could succeed. it’s taken my next to zero confidence and upping that to a level of being confident enough to step out on the mats alone and get things done. somehow, i feel competing is not what it used to be for me. i always felt the pressure leading up to each competition, but never have i felt it so intensely that i’ve become super stressed out and almost numb. is it a sign that i’m not doing it as a passion? is there such thing as a “martial arts block” like a “writer’s block”? sometimes i can’t differentiate if i am fulfilling my job to compete just because i’ve been doing so all along. i’m unsure whether it’s expected of me, or if it’s a self chosen decision. what makes this one different than the ones in the past that gives me so much more undue stress? a lot to be honest. first of all, i’m no longer under the coaches i’m used to, but directly under the watchful eyes of the grandmaster. second, my parents play a big factor. they seemingly have no expectations for my competition game because they have doubted me from the first day i took on taekwondo, but somehow still appears to have so much expectation. they never expected me to get anywhere close to blackbelt and even sought every opportunity to pry me away from the sport. the results at nationals really isn’t my focal point nor the reason i go to nationals. it wasn’t in the past, and this year’s isn’t any different. competing at such a high level is definitely a privilege i don’t take lightly. it’s an eye opener that’s all about the experience and through that i’ve gained so much more. i hope the grandmaster and others see it in the same light, but sometimes i am afraid of those who put a lot more weight in results and standings. i hate not living up to expectations and i hate letting people down; maybe i’ve done it way too much in the past. luckily, i am still able to find bright spots of supportive casts to put everything into perspective and make sure i keep going strong. they let me know that as long as i do everything within my powers and give it everything i got, i should have no regrets. so bottom line is – stop self doubting and stop second guessing, just get my shit together, work my ass off and let the rest play itself out
some things in life take a long time to learn, some things in life take a life time to adopt; many of which that takes longer are the lessons that are well worth the wait. i have been constantly hounded by motivated individuals that tells me limits only exist in the mind and that all records are meant to be broken and surpassed over time. their hard work and persistent ways of beating this concept into me has not gone to waste. i have been working hard on taking their words to turning them into reality, making progress every time i step in for whatever training it may be. i do have results to show for and certainly my mind has become stronger than what it once was not too long ago. being able to do what i couldn’t do last time is a step in the right direction, being what i thought i could never do is my ultimate prize. indeed, this is an important lesson i am still trying to drill into my mind, but i know it’s been slowly getting through to me. i hope my progress will be continual, that i will never stop short of striving for better every single time. one day, i ultimately hope to make them proud of me, to look back and see where i’ve been and how far i’ve come. i want no regrets, and i certainly don’t want to disappoint myself or anyone not having tried my best to achieve what i should very well be capable of
fueling on my bcaa tonight like it’s the last thing i do today. i know very well that i had worked hard today and most definitely be sore tomorrow. just hope to minimize the degree of soreness and decrease the chances of being sore for too long cause i got a full week ahead of me. getting back to it after a prolonged period of time and definitely happy with today’s progress as things are coming along
another one of those reflection fridays because whenever i sit there with some spare time, my mind starts wandering and flashing back to things i am better of not thinking about. things were a whole lot different back then and i was a whole lot more innocent and carefree. back when i could do it with no regrets. i am trying so hard to figure out a way to get over this hump, get my mind and body together and continue where i left off because i ain’t giving up and ain’t going to give up until i get this once and for all!!
those of the previous generations often say travel when you are young because you have the freedom of time and the luxury of energy to do so. but incoveniently, it is also the time when you haven’t got your money issues all figured out so every penny counts. but once u get past the livelihood stage, it’s time to settle down and form a family. the increased responsibilities will in turn make you feel tied down, not to mention increased expenses of all your dependents. and then when you wait another two decades to establish yourself in the work force, you haven’t got the energy to do the traveling you have always imagined. my conclusion is there’s no best time to travel because there’s give and takes at every stage in life, all you can is follow your gut feeling and travel when your heart desires. can’t say i have been to many places, but can’t say that i haven’t been to many places either. i have definitely been well travelled within north america, but have not set foot in europe or south america. there is so many fascinating cities waiting for me, i have to go out there and see the world for myself. i could definitely use some time off now because i am currently physically, mentally and psychologically drained and stressed out in every dimension