day 2557 – hurts internally

i was told if my cartwheel looked good during warm up, i should try to land it on the floor tonight. it started off really promising, the first cartwheels felt good and my first blue attempts also felt decent. as i did more warm ups, they started declining and before i knew it, my chances were basically gone. i went home feeling ever so disappointed because i’m hovering and getting close, but still not there yet. it’s really upsetting that i was finally given the opportunity, but i didn’t take advantage of it. i’m disappointed it didn’t happen tonight; i didn’t earn it. it really hurts inside and i’m scared i don’t have what it takes to get it

day 1173 – no go

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concluded my month-long debate with a tough decision. my team was shocked with the news, but concerned about my well-being. i’m passing on president cup as i didn’t have enough training time to feel prepared for an international event. i do have every intention to compete at the grassroot competition on the same weekend; couldn’t pass up on both events because my heart wants to compete. there’s no way of hiding my disappointment. i felt so dejected there was no way i could get my head in it to practice today. perhaps when i wake up tomorrow morning, i might feel relieved that at least a decision was made. only time will heal both wounds

day 1157 – still tried

img_20200204_2158148095144537240975814.jpgthree days is as far as i got before i gave in to gym and taekwondo. i kept it as close to my game plan as possible, which was some form of cardio and isometric exercises. i tried super hard to keep my distance from the cage in case i do something that is off limits. it is the deadline of registration so i had to attempt some taekwondo. i didn’t get very far into training before i knew it’s a no go. i’ll still keep trying over the next week and maybe, just maybe a miracle will happen and perhaps be allowed to do a late registration

day 796 – slow moving

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feels like a perfect sunday wasted. the sun is shining for once and all i did was teach in the morning and attend a marcom meeting in the afternoon. opted to skip out on gym as planned and not actively enjoying the rare sunshine we will hardly get in next few months. i hope the lethargic feeling goes away soon cause i can’t afford to be an antisocial couch potato