day 2523 – nothingness

i had a super frustrating training session at tricking and left the gym crying. i’ve been going at cart fronts and btwists for some time but there’s next to no progress to show for. the coach would point out that i’m doing things wrong, but no matter what i do, i can’t seem to do what the coach is telling me do so he’s also given up on me. as much as i want to slow down and work on the technique, i don’t know how it feels like to be right. i feel so hopeless that part of me thinks i should give up on it because i’ll never get it. i’m told to take a break and work on something else, but that’s happened for all my moves, and as it stands i’ve accomplished nothing

day 2512 – popliteus strain

i got very little sleep because i was worried that one of my knee ligament is done. thankfully my chiropractor squeezed me in this afternoon. he confirmed there’s good news – the injury narrowly missed my ligaments and had my hamstring and calf not been in good condition, it wouldn’t have been able to protect my ligaments. instead, it’s my popliteus and common peroneal nerve that’s sprained. everything around my left leg is in total shock and guarding all movements. he said i can’t escape the rest and i knew he was right because i couldn’t even straighten out my leg or put weight on it. he sent me home with a bunch of rehab exercises that i’ll have to stay on top of if i want to speed up the recovery

day 2492 – lifting duo

i did the best i could and tried not to let last night’s rough session affect my lifts, but can’t say i was too successful at hiding it. apex session was focused on clean and jerks. my lifts weren’t bad, but it took a lot to string together one good clean plus the jerk. i started off slow with the lighter weights but still worked up to a fifty kilogram clean and jerk. it was bench and row day for my second session back at my garage gym. i really wasn’t feeling strong with the shoulder, but surprised myself with a ninety pound bench for three reps. i’m really glad my friend comes to lift with meb he’s probably the reason why i push the weights i do

day 2458 – bake cookies

felt quite lethargic from the moment i woke up this morning. i cut my lifting session short because i was running really low on gas. i only completed my cleans and front squat complex plus the row and good morning superset. i felt super bored in the afternoon so popped the cookie dough made by my friend. i shared the freshly baked white chocolate walnut cookies with my parents and ate the remaining three

day 2436 – ice cream cake

crazy quarantine time isn’t the most ideal way to spend any birthday, but with no place to dine in, my brother will have to settle for a sushi takeout dinner. we also changed it up and brought an ice cream cake from dairy queen. it was quite the nostalgic taste because we haven’t had it since our teenage years. i really hope this covid situation has significant improvements soon so we won’t be trapped in our homes desperately looking for things to entertain ourselves with

day 2415 – phone spam

waited well after class until all other classes and students dissipated so we could have some space and equipment to work with. during the wait, we had fun trying out the vlogger life by spamming photos and videos on someone’s unattended phone. sadly neither my back tuck nor any of my kicks felt good today. i did get a chance at the very end to work on my webster and aerial takeoff. i’m still ashamed i don’t get it and i can’t tell if i’m making progress with it

day 2411 – discouragements

sometimes i may show nothing on the surface, but deep inside i’m just discouraged and hurt. i couldn’t contain myself when i got home at night because it’s hard to accept i still have yet to get my webster and flash despite all the time and energy spent on it since november. it’s hard to swallow that everyone is improving so much quicker and here i am still working on the same thing time after time, still being told to be patient when i can no longer be patient. sometimes i wonder why i’m still going in to work on it when nothing is going to change. i don’t want to be the hard worker that gets nothing done

day 2451 – snowy disappointment

the forecast was correct as snow fell overnight. it wasn’t a whole lot, so i could still drive my mom’s car to work. i was hit with a bunch of disappointment at flipping tonight. what i felt in december came back again – i felt like i wasn’t getting the same support and learning opportunity. i’m pretty frustrated i’m not getting what i need to make progress. all i ever hear is i’m making progress, i’m missing technique; but i’m not getting any support or guidance as to how to fix that technique or what it is i need to do to get there. it’s the neglect and the constant empty promises that’s really getting to me. maybe my initial gut feeling was correct and i should pack it in because no one believes i can land anything anymore

day 2331 – no headway

i carried around a heavy heart today because i’m not sure what my tricking future holds. today is technically the last class day of classes and i haven’t made any headway. i couldn’t say anything while i was with the gang, but i broke the moment i got home. for the first time, i spilled what my mind and body has been intending to do. it made me think back on all that’s happened and all that didn’t. it hurts me so much that it may have come to an end. all i could do is cry myself to sleep

day 2303 – deterred

felt antsy and wanted to push my foot’s limit a little to see how it reacts. i did some step offs to test absorbing impact and it seemed fine. i then tried to jump onto a small box and that’s where the troubles began. i couldn’t bend very much before my foot gave in and collapsed in pain. no matter how many times i tried, i just couldn’t load my foot properly. discouraged enough, i moved onto test some squat positions and that was also concerning. narrow squat stance was painful but snatch squat stance was doable. i left pretty upset feeling no progress made with my foot