day 1168 – nailed it

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i felt good when i tested my back two days ago, so i’m going for more. i said i wanted to be back in the one plate club so i went and got it – without extra pain. i had to scale my activities and exercises down considerably for two months and was shut down from almost everything for the past three weeks, but i think i finally see the light again. i’m stoked to get back into the thick of things, but i’ll still take it step by step. also very pleased that my midterm was extremely well done, although there’s one mark i shouldn’t have lost

day 1167 – thankful

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wrapping up the long weekend with a relaxing day at richmond designer outlet. i’m very thankful to be able to surround myself with supportive people that’s been with me through my highs and lows. the support and guidance i received has gotten me farther than i could’ve imagined; the reason i can continue to live out and chase my dreams. i’m always a willing giver to those who saw me fail but never gave up; i didn’t give up because you didn’t give up on me. i’m not perfect, i’m a limited edition. i’ll continue to work my way towards being the best that i can be. it’s been an enjoyable long weekend with a lot of mo time, and now it’s time to work hard and chase the big dreams that awaits

day 1120 – try, try, try again

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snatching is one of the harder lifts i have come across, but that makes me want to get it that much more. practicing them can be frustrating at times because i give up too easily and fail to lock out. i wasn’t satisfied with the many failed attempts and low success rate so i was determined to keep going until i finally got it. by the end of it, i must have made at least thirty attempts. my back took a hard hit from the barbell, but rewatching my videos motivate me. there’s no better feeling than not giving up to succeed in something i wanted

out from stumbles

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lately i have been stuck in a rut fighting myself, losing my sense of direction and not knowing what i want to do with my life. i would carry on and beat myself up, then question whether my existence is meaningless. that’s not to say i have figured everything out, but i have decided to stop beating myself up and believing i am worthless. point is, i need to correct those behaviours because it would only hurt myself and hurting myself is hurting the loved ones around me; i hate to see others get hurt. i do feel apologetic for being silent and quiet about my problems, perhaps i am not quite good at sharing my troubled thoughts. i don’t mean to make you guys worry. it won’t change overnight, but i’ll try harder to be more open and vocal about what goes on inside my head. it’s time to realize i am not suppose to settle to be an average person, just like the millions of other human beings on earth. it’s time to step up my game and live up to expectations and chase my own dreams. doing so is nerve wrecking, but that’s the only way to grow as a person and expand on what i have already accomplished. i know that whichever path i choose to take, i will have the support of those around me. i want the supporters in my life to know that i was born for a reason

living through my falls

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it’s unbelievable how fast things could change and how far things could fall. outside my shell, it’s hard to tell i have lived through two very rough weeks. but beneath my shell, my life felt very close to the “underworld”, filled with mayhem that’s got me feeling rocking bottom. the descend started off with a week long fever, cough then cold. i couldn’t muster much activity during this time; i was bed ridden and under endless medication majority of the time. my body felt weak as ever; all the ground i’ve gained has been lost, and deep down i felt even worse about myself because i couldn’t do anything to change it. luckily, i had a personal nurse that took care of me and almost felt more concerned about my health than i ever was. just as i was recovering from sickness, the nightmare hit me hard – literally. ever since being struck at dodgeball playoffs, i felt like i was living in a really bad dream. having a concussion is scary because everything felt out of whack. my head and neck were throbbing, my movements were slowed, my speech and thoughts were disoriented, my appetite was affected – the bottom line is, i wasn’t able to function like my normal self. what made it difficult was i couldn’t tell people what i was going through nor could i disclose the severity fearing they will not let me continue with my upcoming events which means so much to me. i’m feeling slightly better with each passing day and a week after the incident, i can safely say recovery seems like it’s on course. thankful mo has been by my side during this rough span. just having his presence makes things better and gives me the inspiration to think on the bright side even when times get tough. i’ve fallen very far down and lost a lot of the gains i’ve been working hard at, but now is really not the time to hang my head. i’m not okay with myself and my performance in it’s current stage, so i’m going to make it right. i must get it together and make up that ground in a hurry. it won’t be easy, but it will be done

day 918 – officially landed

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words cannot justify or describe how i am feeling right now. today is a good day; no, today is a great day full of surprises and accomplishments i have yet to soak in. i went to the gym for some cardio even though i thought it was a terrible idea to go before tumbling. not knowing how long i would last, i was set on stopping when i felt tired. that was negligible because i went through the entire duration like never before. hours after that, i made my floor to floor goal a reality. i knew i have been close for a while and i knew i had all the pieces but each time i would be missing a piece or two. until today, i had all my pieces working and officially landed it. that to me, is the biggest hurdle i had to overcome and the first step to building much more

fight for it

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very, very late last night, i finally gathered the courage and came to a tough decision to pass up on this year’s us open. this may be a rare opportunity in my lifetime to partake in such a massive event of exceptional calibre. i never ever in my life imagined myself being granted this opportunity but maybe because of that, it instilled so much fear in me. it would have been a superb experience, but not one that i felt i was ready to take on alone. i didn’t feel like my physical capabilities nor my mental game was ready for this level of competition. i can’t deny i am very disappointed i choose to back out of these opens because it’s something i’ve been really looking forward to for months and months. sometimes i think i would hate myself for letting this chance slip away, but it’s a decision i made and one that i will be able to live with. i know that this decision was as tough on me as it was for those who devoted so much time and energy in me – with their heart and soul and giving me only positive encouragements. there’s several individuals i want to single out for they were always around to listen to all my rants, troubles and everything in between. but none more so than the hardass nazi who never stopped believing in me, who listened to my many insecurities and tried to put everything into perspective in order to will me to take the challenge. i can’t express my gratitude for all the support i have received along the way. i am sorry i couldn’t make this happen, i wished i could find the inner strength. i may seem down and out at the moment, but with time i will recuperate and bounce back stronger than before. i haven’t lost my passion for competing, it’s simply a little setback that i must overcome. moving forward, i will work extra hard to better prepare myself for nationals. it’s going to happen