day 1240 – amrapping

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my movements are still limited so i had to deviate from my regular thursday lifts. a simple workout that didn’t require a lot of equipment but required a lot of fighting with inner self. it was a heart pounding one that had me drenched within a minute. there were so many times i could’ve stopped and gave up but didn’t. i missed this feeling of exhaustion and really needed it, but my body tells me otherwise. i will wake up tomorrow in pain and my legs will hate me every step of the way, but i’m proud i pushed through. just a testament that i’m physically stronger than i think and that i need to work harder mentally. i feel like i needed this so i deserve to eat tonight

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conquested us world open

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i felt tremendous pressure going into this year’s us world open for so many reasons – definitely tenfolds more than last year’s. last year being the first go had its uncertainties, but because of my successes, it gave me extra stress and pressure this time around to live up to the unwritten expectations. nationals in the summer gave me one of the biggest blows in my competition career. it was one of my worst performances to say the least; it almost made me certain i was going to call it quits for taekwondo competitions. since then, i haven’t willed myself to step onto the mat again to do what i thought i loved. thankfully, my competitiveness fought through to cling onto my competition dreams and didn’t allow me give up on my passion. slowly i left canadian nationals 2015 behind and began training again. it’s almost a year since my last competition experience. the layoff has definitely triggered endless pre-competition jitters. i withdrew from a competition in february due to fear and at times i had the biggest urge to withdraw from this one as well. i knew this year’s division would be even tougher than last because i would be up against two teammates of mine. we’re a team that supports each other but there’s no secret that i’m a competitor at heart. i didn’t want to lose and really wanted to live up to expectations, expectations that i have for myself. for that reason, the pressure really got into my head and i was struggling to concentrate on my game. luckily, i have all the right people around me to give me all the support to guide me through these tough times and bring the best out of me. they gave me the strength to carry on even at my weakest times. days leading up to the competition and even minutes prior to going on deck, my mind replayed all the things that was said to me. i had a lot to prove and i did exactly that. just like last us world open, i was the last to go in my school and last to go in my division. everyone from my team including the grandmaster were crowding around my ring. the long wait for my teammates to finish built up so much tension. to make it worse, the opening ceremony coincidentally started as it was my turn to step on the mat. from the start of division, i was so focused i zoned out everyone and including the demo music; it was my time – nothing but myself. i didn’t dare watch any of my competitors’ poomsaes or scores. in fact, i didn’t even look at my own scores so i had no idea what to expect as the judges announced the medallists. all i knew was i stepped off the mat confidently feeling good about the performance i had put forth. getting silver for individual is the silver lining to this trip and a great way to cap off us world open 2016. i felt my mental game was the strongest it’s ever been heading into a competition and i owe that to a lot of people. i feel some confidence and self belief slowly coming back to me

day 935 – start again

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my elbow is still up to no good and my thumb is also banged up. setbacks are bound to occur every now and then so i decided not to hang my head and start again today. sometimes things happen for a reason and through all that i will persevere and come out stronger each time. despite much of the day spent at taekwondo, gym is gym and that never stops no matter what condition my body is in

go time

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there’s so many haters out there and no matter how you try change their outlook, haters are going to hate. but i can’t worry about them and let them tell me otherwise. if they have nothing positive to say, i couldn’t care less about these haters and their worthless opinions. the best thing to do is just want to carry on with my missions and prove them wrong. let my actions speak for themselves and eventually they will either have to take back their criticism or eat their words. since the only thing in my control is to go out and do what i need to do, the rest will follow. if my mind is set on doing something, i should never fall short of doing so just because of someone’s comments. i honestly don’t need these people’s approval in order to fulfill what i believe are my goals, ambitions and what i consider to be the best that i can be. understand that they are haters for a reason – because they simply see you as a threat to be better than them and fail to keep up with you. it’s also not practical to have anyone take anything away from how hard i work and how bad i want to achieve something. bottom line is if it feels right, i will do everything i can to make it happen. end of story. it’s that simple and doesn’t need to be made complicated

day 727 – email outburst

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wrote one of my most satisfying email ever today, in response to a parent’s complaint. all my thoughts flowed out in smooth sentences and said exactly what my thoughts were from the bottom of my heart. not only was i not rattled after receiving this, but i am glad she made this complaint. this only gave me the opportunity to voice my opinion or i would never realize how i truly felt about the principles of my teaching, and i stand by it

day 601 – something new

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trying something new because i felt like a challenge was in order. wouldn’t mind adding some new skills into my repertoire and seeing how far it takes me. i honestly believe i am capable of achieving the goal i set out to do so, all i need to do is go out and make it happen. the day i make new ground or fully achieve a skill is when i can feel proud of myself for having worked hard for it. i learn to never stay stagnant, never settle and always be hungry for more because there’s so much out there waiting for me to experience

today’s struggles

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when times get rough and life gets tough, i try to remind myself that it’s only training me to be stronger for tomorrow. if the road to success was plain and simple, it would not be worth the sweat and hard work. understand that no matter what happens, there will be someone out there watching over you and ready to give you support when you most need it. and know that someone will be there to catch you when you fall, but ultimately its up to you yourself to stand back up and carry on. i know very well that if i stick with it and put in the effort, its just a matter of time before i get the results i want. it’s all about taking the necessary steps knowing everyday i will be stronger than the day before. because nothing beats being able to do something i couldn’t do yesterday and only i can change that