day 1394 – speak easy

nationals in the back of my mind the whole day made me so restless. i never expected the decision to be easy to overcome, and i think i handled it the best i could. what made it more difficult was i had no one to speak my mind and made it less inviting when i’m constantly being criticized, teased or ignored. i feel like i’m taking this on alone and less willing to pour my heart out knowing i’m going to get insults. i don’t know how long i can take the punishment

day 1117 – juvenile delinquents

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day two of future camp poomsae and referee seminar held by taekwondo canada. i was busy on the floor rolling my leg until these two naughty kids jumped on me and started treating me like a wrestling dummy. i only found out yesterday that i will be taking the national referee exam today, meaning i read through sixty pages of the manual last night. stayed up way too late last night, but getting nationally certified was worth it

third anniversary special edition

over a thousand days later, tongtongvision has reached it’s third anniversary. what i started three years ago as a small undertaking has emerged into something very special; my life writes it, and it writes my life. dedicating this year’s special edition to showcase clips of my 2016 nationals in calgary. as always, a traveling experience and teambonding experience that had no shortage of fun and stressful times, but left me with some crazy memories. i take all the experiences learned and hope that it will come in handy one day. i am not sure how many more nationals i have in me, but i want each succeeding one to be better than the previous. life is about making progress, life is about never settling for less than what you believe in

 

day 1017 – semifinals first

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day two at calgary olympic oval is a big day – it’s competition day. the division is stacked with many torontonians who tends to lead canada’s competition. having said that, i went through all my pregame preparation like i set out to and only concentrated on what i had to do. the focus is getting into finals; that itself was my first big challenge of this year’s nationals. toronto owned the podium once again, but i gained lots of valuable experience  and knowledge through it all. it was a performance i could be satisfied with for i knew i made vast improvements from last year. lots to do for offseason training, but i’m ready and willing to work hard to take it to the next level

day 1016 – hammy problems

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day one at the competition was spent watching the junior division and doing some final preparations, both physically and mentally. after slapping on cream, endless rolling and massages, i am doing some partner stretching on the floor. i will do whatever i can to make my leg kick tomorrow because nationals is my biggest event of the year. the nerves are starting to build up as the day wears on, but i think i have a more stable mindset to better manage the bad wolf inside. of course, talking to mo calms my nerves and puts my thoughts back into place

day 1015 – calgary bound

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the day has come for us to fly out to calgary, but can’t leave without a swagger. repping team bc poomsae at nationals is always something special. i don’t know what to expect and there’s no shame to say there’s fear and uncertainties in my mind. i know i must go out to these competitions because each one is an opportunity to gain more experience and broaden my taekwondo circle. regardless of the results, let’s make it a fun and worthwhile trip

day 1014 – packing away

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i like going on vacations and i travel out to competitions often, but packing is not one of my favourite things to do. the crew and i are flying out to nationals tomorrow. i had all day to pack, but still never got around to it until night time rolled around. it’s late at night and i am finally struggling to gather the gear and things that i will be needing. let’s hope i can wake up early enough to double check because i am very forgetful

day 981 – news worthy

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it’s a pleasant surprise our results made it onto the local newspaper. so proud of my students and their achievements. this justifies that all the time i invested in them while trying to train myself simultaneously was worth the stress. they all practiced very hard for this event and i’ve watched each and every one of them improve before my eyes. it’s a great reminder for myself as to why i love coaching and why i am still involved in taekwondo. i hope they continue to work hard so i can eventually coach them to the national stage during my time

my many doubts

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i have been troubled and drowning in my own thoughts which has me staying up late and thinking a lot lately. over the years, taekwondo has given me a lot to look forward to and a lot to be proud of, but that’s not to say it hasn’t given all sorts of pressure and stress. one could say competition has given me a sense of belonging, because it’s also where i found out that i too, could succeed. it’s taken my next to zero confidence and upping that to a level of being confident enough to step out on the mats alone and get things done. somehow, i feel competing is not what it used to be for me. i always felt the pressure leading up to each competition, but never have i felt it so intensely that i’ve become super stressed out and almost numb. is it a sign that i’m not doing it as a passion? is there such thing as a “martial arts block” like a “writer’s block”? sometimes i can’t differentiate if i am fulfilling my job to compete just because i’ve been doing so all along. i’m unsure whether it’s expected of me, or if it’s a self chosen decision. what makes this one different than the ones in the past that gives me so much more undue stress? a lot to be honest. first of all, i’m no longer under the coaches i’m used to, but directly under the watchful eyes of the grandmaster. second, my parents play a big factor. they seemingly have no expectations for my competition game because they have doubted me from the first day i took on taekwondo, but somehow still appears to have so much expectation. they never expected me to get anywhere close to blackbelt and even sought every opportunity to pry me away from the sport. the results at nationals really isn’t my focal point nor the reason i go to nationals. it wasn’t in the past, and this year’s isn’t any different. competing at such a high level is definitely a privilege i don’t take lightly. it’s an eye opener that’s all about the experience and through that i’ve gained so much more. i hope the grandmaster and others see it in the same light, but sometimes i am afraid of those who put a lot more weight in results and standings. i hate not living up to expectations and i hate letting people down; maybe i’ve done it way too much in the past. luckily, i am still able to find bright spots of supportive casts to put everything into perspective and make sure i keep going strong. they let me know that as long as i do everything within my powers and give it everything i got, i should have no regrets. so bottom line is – stop self doubting and stop second guessing, just get my shit together, work my ass off and let the rest play itself out

fight for it

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very, very late last night, i finally gathered the courage and came to a tough decision to pass up on this year’s us open. this may be a rare opportunity in my lifetime to partake in such a massive event of exceptional calibre. i never ever in my life imagined myself being granted this opportunity but maybe because of that, it instilled so much fear in me. it would have been a superb experience, but not one that i felt i was ready to take on alone. i didn’t feel like my physical capabilities nor my mental game was ready for this level of competition. i can’t deny i am very disappointed i choose to back out of these opens because it’s something i’ve been really looking forward to for months and months. sometimes i think i would hate myself for letting this chance slip away, but it’s a decision i made and one that i will be able to live with. i know that this decision was as tough on me as it was for those who devoted so much time and energy in me – with their heart and soul and giving me only positive encouragements. there’s several individuals i want to single out for they were always around to listen to all my rants, troubles and everything in between. but none more so than the hardass nazi who never stopped believing in me, who listened to my many insecurities and tried to put everything into perspective in order to will me to take the challenge. i can’t express my gratitude for all the support i have received along the way. i am sorry i couldn’t make this happen, i wished i could find the inner strength to carry through with this. i may seem down and out at the moment, but with time i will recuperate and bounce back stronger than before. i haven’t lost my passion for competing, it’s simply a little setback that i must overcome. moving forward, i will work extra hard to better prepare myself for nationals. it’s going to happen