林奕匡 – 有淚多好

it’s a good song, but a sad one. a song that looped and looped over hundred times in my car and on my computer because it speaks for my heart. i can’t explain and don’t want to try to explain why tears just keep rolling uncontrollably. all this is just wreckage to my soul, and i’m ready to pull out to end the misery. every day i tell myself that this will all be over some day. i guess i’m just waiting for the moment to speak and get it over with

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day 1556 – out there

i did not sleep much last night, or maybe didn’t sleep at all. instead, i drove out around and around thinking of so many harmful things and thinking i want to be out of this misery. then it’s like i woke up from a dream and went on with my life like every saturday – more of work. this day it’s all me holding up the whole class alone got me quite drained. good thing i didn’t up having some fun at drop in hockey or else i would probably have crashed at some point 

day 762 – self destructive

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monday blues definitely hit me really hard. woke up with a headache and feeling crappy overall, not wanting to get out of bed, unable to be productive and not knowing what to do with myself. the gloomy wetness outside only makes matter worse and all i want to do is sit around and do nothing. do nothing it was, and i got a starbucks that i don’t deserve one bit. but later in the afternoon, i willed myself to get some stuff done instead of being a completely useless human being

day 107 – in search of the exit to my tunnel

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someone said this is the happiest place on earth. take me there so i can escape all the sorrow, stress, anger and depressing reality i am stuck in now. living life the wrong way. there will be better days ahead, just one of those times when i must dig deep to find that exit out of this long and dark tunnel