day 2552 – home care

i stay home a lot whenever i’m not out training. took some time to do a little self care on my shins. my shins have been really overworked to the point it’s irritated, which makes me even more irritated because i can’t train desirably. i really do want my cart front to happy soon as july is ending. it’s been playing so many mind games with me, but i don’t know when it’ll get to the point that i’m ready

day 1676 – good to great


img_20200203_1331426874807057382806336.jpgtrying to kickstart a good march with a quote on my whiteboard. sitting down with the boss for a swot session made me think really hard about my strengths and how i can make them from good to great. leaving the room with a new way of thinking through things and how i can grow as a human being in the work force. i can only imagine the series of coaching sessions will be a good place to boost my career growth. there’s a lot of brainstorming and homework to be done

day 1395 – earnest

carrying over the effects of yesterday, i couldn’t concentrate seeing so many live streams and posts of the event. even the earnest manager brought in didn’t help much. i didn’t want to be anywhere; if there was a hole i would bury myself. luckily i could go out for a drink on a warm summer-like night. that gave my mind a break so i don’t have to bum around and want to run myself through the walls

day 893 – tough decision

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alone late at night thinking long and hard about my decision. truly thankful for all the supportive feedback i’ve received from the people i’ve spoken with on this topic; it made this tough stretch a little less painful. i think i have made my final decision to pass up what i’ve been dreaming of the past half a year – a chance at us open. perhaps having this decision made will end all those nights of waking up at 4am feeling extremely stressed. i’m no doubt disappointed i chose to back out of this opportunity but i feel it’s the right decision at this point. i feel terrible for all those that put their time and energy into getting me ready for this event, i feel bad i couldn’t make it happen. maybe it’s a sign i need to work harder on both my mental and physical game to earn my ticket to a competition as grand as us open. i haven’t given up my competition dreams, it just means i get a head start to preparing and training for the future ones. next up: nationals

day 891 – major crossroad

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training tonight was unlike any training i have been to for the past several years. i’m afraid there’s so much to work on and not enough time to get myself up to his standards, or even my own standards. i can only promise to try my best, but no guarantees i will get it down pat. the fear of undertaking this daunting endeavour alone is frightful, i’m afraid i won’t live up to expectations and disappoint those that invested time in getting me there. i don’t know how long i’d last or if this is the right moment to jump off the train now

day 871 – lift a little

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soreness amassed from this week’s training and physio exercises shouldn’t stop me from my scheduled workout. i went to the gym as planned and was prepared to struggle mighty hard. as i had the weight on my back, i thought the bar felt extra heavy today. it was difficult, but somehow forced myself to finish it and walked off still intact. i was randomly thinking back on my squats this evening, and suddenly realized the weight i had mounted on my bar exceeded what i thought i had. i felt dumbfounded i hadn’t realized it at that time, but pleased that i had done it anyway. it goes to show that the mind likes to play number games and sometimes ignorance is a good test for the body