day 2331 – no headway

i carried around a heavy heart today because i’m not sure what my tricking future holds. today is technically the last class day of classes and i haven’t made any headway. i couldn’t say anything while i was with the gang, but i broke the moment i got home. for the first time, i spilled what my mind and body has been intending to do. it made me think back on all that’s happened and all that didn’t. it hurts me so much that it may have come to an end. all i could do is cry myself to sleep

day 1438 –  renovation complete 

img_20200203_1544215004116593968806022.jpgit’s been a physically taxing day even compared to my typical saturday. put my muscles to good use early morning to move the fridge and the wall cabinets. a hectic five hour taekwondo shift of nonstop teaching without a water or washroom break. i felt depleted for the first hockey game and couldn’t get my mind nor my legs in the game. just as i thought i had no more gas in the tank for round two, i pulled through and managed to play some proper hockey. when i got off the ice, i then realized so many body parts are hurting

day 1313 – border crossing 

it’s been a good but tiring oregon trip with long drives to and from portland. on my way home after many hours spent in the car, long day of competition and irregular and malnutritioned meals. i’m content with the results and my personal performance and hope that this will get myself back on track. this might be what i needed to reinstate my mind and body to get the grind going again. now that the competition is behind me, i must gear down and focus because march will be a crazy month

30 share it [thirteen]

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back in town counting down the final hours of our brief vacation, but first a stop at our old faithful for some classic noodles. it was a good time off and somewhat rejuvenating, only much too short. i’ll spend the remaining hours getting ready and unclog my mind because in a few hour i’ll get back to reality and working my butt off; there’s some things i want to reset and restart

day 1173 – no go

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concluded my month-long debate with a tough decision. my team was shocked with the news, but concerned about my well-being. i’m passing on president cup as i didn’t have enough training time to feel prepared for an international event. i do have every intention to compete at the grassroot competition on the same weekend; couldn’t pass up on both events because my heart wants to compete. there’s no way of hiding my disappointment. i felt so dejected there was no way i could get my head in it to practice today. perhaps when i wake up tomorrow morning, i might feel relieved that at least a decision was made. only time will heal both wounds

day 1136 – tennis semis

snapchat-142079096.jpgwatching the double header for men’s semifinal took my mind off a lot of unnecessary things. i was rooting for my current favourite player on tour, nishikori. he won the first set but came up short against wawrinka. despite today’s loss, nishikori still had a great run at us open to add to his bronze from rio. i guess i won’t be too sad about missing sunday’s final

day 1093 – dial back

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a day of climbing out of the dark and back into the light. the past forty eight hours had a lot more downs than ups, but i will spend much of the next hours, days, weeks and years making it infinitely better. i am strong enough to withstand the circumstances thrown at me. it is time to repair myself and look for new directions. i can always bank of having companions by my side to talk it over

day 959 – reading list

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this book might be able to give me much needed insights to clear my mind, refocus and push through and do what needs to be done. training the mind is something that’s been lacking in my training regime, and because of that, it’s also my weakest link. i believe my mindset and mental strength is what needs to be addressed in order to take that next step. i want to find my zen so i can put my mind back into its place

day 950 – monday hustle

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monday stats are usually outrageous, today was no different despite barely regaining my normal capacity. if asked, at the beginning of today, if i could have achieved these numbers by the end of the day, i would have thought that was a preposterously impossible. in fact i was just aiming to make it through training and dodgeball without collapsing. it feels amazing my output was far beyond what my mind thought i could muster. i’m glad i was pushed to work my butt off and make that stats line. i’ll feel the effects tomorrow but it’s definitely worth every ounce of sweat and effort put forth today

day 929 – resurrect

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tomorrow i am going to get some me time to reboot both my mind and my system. i feel i need some time to regroup and make sure i’m back on track doing things i need to be doing and doing things i enjoy doing, for the right reasons. the past week or two has been lousy where i am just going through everything mindlessly like a robot but not thinking twice about what i am seeking out of it. and during this time, there’s either been a lot of emotional eating or unhealthy thoughts and choices made. i really should put things back into it’s proper routine and get back in the right frame of mind to make the best choices for myself moving forward. february is a short month, so better not waste time and get back on track as soon as i possibly can