fulfilment

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heaving a ten tonne rock off my shoulders is an appropriate representation as i haven’t felt so relieved in far too long. it may not mean anything to others, but to me, no words can describe how much receiving that call means to me. for the past year, i struggled to find myself, to accept myself and to be myself. i would hate myself for never being good enough at everything and for anything, often had internal war within. i went though down times that caused eating problems which consequently wrecked my body in too many ways. i bottled up all my problems and feelings, and avoided sensitive topics at all costs. it got to the point where i lost interest in a lot of things and wanted to confine myself in my own space so i didn’t have to talk. at last i opened up to a selected few; i need not to mention any names as you know who you are. i’m thankful that while i was going through my wildest and worst times, you came to the rescue and stood by me. thank you for being patient with me when i was going through some of the roughest times. for piecing me together and keeping me together when i was self destructing. for not rushing me to become something i wasn’t ready to become. for supporting me to find what i truly wanted. for accepting me with open arms and caressing me when i needed you most. it’s you that kept me afloat and a good reason why i’m still alive and striving to this day. through this process i’ve learned an abundance of things –  it’s okay to have weak moments but i’ve learned to be strong. many times i thought i had turned the corner, only to stumbled back in. today i can safely and assertively say i have found my way out of this gigantic hole, and i will only move forward in the direction i’ve always wanted to go but didn’t dare to go. i have a very good reason to smile as i’m leaving everything behind and starting my new episode fresh. i have found myself and i’ll be chasing whatever fulfills my heart

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day 1191 – shroom burger

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in front of me was the eastside craft house mushroom swiss burger because mo refused to let me order the double chicken patty burger; this pig says i always waste food because i can’t finish it. i’ve struggled a lot with eating over the past year; over the past months i’ve tried really hard to fix it and it’s showing signs of being normal now. fixing process and long and arduous, let’s hope i never wreck my metabolism again. one day, one day i’ll order it and finish my food

day 1106 – hungriness

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for some odd reason i was hungrier than usual. even after a snack, my stomach was still hungry so i ate some tofu while waiting for my mom to cook dinner. dinner was finally ready and i am happy it had some of my favourite food like baked salmon and fresh corn on a cob. having an appetite again is a good sign; maybe it’s a sign that my lingering cold is really over; or maybe it’s a sign i am healthy again