day 918 – officially landed

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words cannot justify or describe how i am feeling right now. today is a good day; no, today is a great day full of surprises and accomplishments i have yet to soak in. i went to the gym for some cardio even though i thought it was a terrible idea to go before tumbling. not knowing how long i would last, i was set on stopping when i felt tired. that was negligible because i went through the entire duration like never before. hours after that, i made my floor to floor goal a reality. i knew i have been close for a while and i knew i had all the pieces but each time i would be missing a piece or two. until today, i had all my pieces working and officially landed it. that to me, is the biggest hurdle i had to overcome and the first step to building much more

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day 915 – stacking it up

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having a little faith in my ability and putting it to the test on unpadded surface. stacking up to seven plates on this night and successfully making it to the top unscathed. first attempt and first success is always deserving of a victory pose and casual step off. the first jump is always the hardest not because of the physical hurdle, but the mental one. not bad when i’m still nursing those messed up shins, but that hardly stops me much. i’ll be aiming higher next time and each time after that

day 749 – lower than low

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having one of those low moments and needing a pick me up kinda day. i think i have developed ptsd and feeling as low as i have ever been. rarely am i able to admit fear but i have no other explanation except exactly that. i haven’t got a solution as to how to fix or address the problem. all i know is it is way past normal bedtime hours but i am lying in bed unable to fall asleep because i am in thoroughly disappointment, it bothers me more than anything

day 709 – bowl of cherries

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life is like a bowl of cherries. that’s how i wish my life was right now, except it’s completely opposite. constant struggles and endless thinking but still no answer as to what i need to do to get past the road block. even when i am tired, i cannot fall asleep at night because my brain is still spinning in circles. been juggling a lot and going through some rough patches, i find myself wanting to think of a solution but when i can’t i just want to escape reality

reset in order

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through my struggles in the last little while to get past some major mental block where i have attempted to shut off the world and kind of turned against myself. during this stretch, my confidence level wavered immensely because i am unsure where i am headed and unsure if where i want to go is even plausible. is this what i thought i wanted what i truly want to pursue or am i just doing it for the sake of doing it? so many of questions along the same line popped out in my head and i kept questioning myself. it is scary to think that i myself don’t even have any of these critical answers. after hermitting and mulling about these uncertainties for several days, i think i am creeping closer to getting my answers. i think i see the light in the darkness, but the rest is really up to me because it’s mental thing more than anything. i need to train and build up my mentality game to be ready for my competition game. i have been involved in competitions nonstop without any rest, and a mental exhaustion is probably the main spur of this endless self crushing mental block. so for now, i think it’s best for me to step back to look at the broader picture. when something is obviously not going right, it calls for a break to make some adjustments. i am not sure how short or how long of a break i need, but i am positive that when i make my return, i will be stronger and better in every way