silencing

the last week or two has been overtly stressful when i should be practicing but can’t. every waking hour means it’s closer to competition day, yet all i can do is feel hopelessly antsy and frustrated that i have to stay put. on top of that, i’ve been put under a lot of undue pressure to take on more than i already have. my plate is beyond full and i don’t know how i can possible pile more on without toppling over. the stress is making me lose sleep, lose appetite, lose my words and lose passion. being quiet is not a source of outlet, but i’m not sure if i’ll be understood even if i speak. who would actually relate to  how i feel and why?? as another competition nears, i just want to focus on that but looks like that’s too much to ask for. the pressure is once again getting to me and i feel less ready both physically and mentally. the pressure of expectations is both internal and external; i can’t bear to leave people disappointed and almost want to apologize prior to the event. this is really not the time to fold. i hate how i am weakest when i need to be the strongest. where do i search to find the strength to carry forward

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day 1262 – tofu fanatic

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the whole family gathered to celebrate my dad’s birthday. there were many dishes on the table just like any typical chinese seafood restaurant, but this was by far my favourite dish. i enjoyed a good sit down meal with my family, we haven’t had much opportunity to engage like tonight. thankful i made it to friday. this week has been brutal as i had wavering moments and tons on my mind. it’s not resolved, but i’m holding it together

30 share it [thirteen]

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back in town counting down the final hours of our brief vacation, but first a stop at our old faithful for some classic noodles. it was a good time off and somewhat rejuvenating, only much too short. i’ll spend the remaining hours getting ready and unclog my mind because in a few hour i’ll get back to reality and working my butt off; there’s some things i want to reset and restart