day 2467 – aging well

i’ll be the first to admit i didn’t sleep well not knowing how this quarantine birthday would turn out. going into the day, i had no plans besides a home cooked dinner and cake with family. waking up, i thought i’d do a solo lift, have a couple of lonely hours waiting for dinner time to arrive. fortunately, it got better as the day unfolded and turned out to be quite eventful. i met up with some friends who got me onezo bubble tea, then had a hangout to take some shenanigan photos, and finished off with a zoom short party after a decadent dinner. i’ll be the honest i wasn’t looking forward to this because growing older is hard to accept, especially when i feel like i’ve underachieved all my life. i mulled about it for some time, but maturity came around and said that age is just a number; my heart and body still feels young

day 883 – downtown countdown

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spending the last of 2015 near canada place enjoying beautiful holiday lights before some highly anticipated midnight fireworks. the night was so cold, two brisk walks along the seawall was more than enough to get us frozen head to toe. 2015 was good for the most part, but i know that 2016 will be the best year yet. ready to take on bigger challenges that will get me past levels i have come far too comfortable at staying within

mental game

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bad habits always gets me. every time i feel like i am in exhaustion, i will stop short of completion and make myself believe enough is enough. i have just come to accept the fact that my mental game is not as strong as it needs to be, and that there’s nothing i can do to improve that aspect. this shortcoming is probably an explanation as to why my game has remained stagnant over the years, where i stop short and fail to take my game to the next level. and this only becomes a cyclical process where when i don’t perform well, i tend to hang my head but not focus on finding the underlying problems and dealing with it head on. just today i was reminded that my body is stronger than i think and when fatigue sets in, the mind is usually the first to give in. so when training in and out of the gym, or anywhere for that matter, it is as much training for my mentality as it is for my physicality. it is good that i get to work alongside some of the most motivational individuals because reality is i need constant reminder that i must stop at nothing until i push out the last rep of the last set. the kind of people that are never satisfied and always challenging me to be better and only then will i come to the realization that i can do things i thought i never could. these individuals keep me honest and lets me know that i ain’t going anywhere until i complete it cause anything below my maximum capability is unacceptable.  i think my recent knee ligament that made me forgo my november competition really caused the damage – in a good way. there’s been a recent spark in me that i want it more than ever before; that i am willing to work hard for what i want to achieve and i am going to tackle my weaknesses head on. i no longer want my game to remain the same. i have some ambitious goals to reach and it certainly wouldn’t reach itself. i am ready to take that next step in further enhancing my game, and i am determined to do whatever it takes. the power is in me and it is up to me to train it to work to live up to my fullest potential. i do believe it is in me

day 824 – quick start

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daylight savings ended last night and that extra hour of sleep is much welcomed for a sleep deprived me, but now is when the darkness really hits us. i need to find the motivation this season when i wake up in night fall and go home in night fall. starting off november with a gym session is a step in the right direction, even though i am outright sore. even then i would call it a good start to the month and hopefully stays that way. the next couple months will be busy and important, but november is crucial for all turning points. it’s time to grind everyday out and learn a little something about accountability

what you want

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feel like i am falling off the train tracks and hitting a wall so another check in is required to make sure i know what i am doing. it’s hard to always stay on track, but always got to keep a tab on it and not let myself stray too far and even back pedal too much. when life is a long journey, must aim high and make meaningful goals and achievements to strive for. and throughout any undertaking of any goal requires discipline in many forms that makes the separation. unfortunately that also means times can get rough, minds can get lost and that’s what usually what happens to me far too often. it is important to know that the struggles and hardwork is part of the process and that the progress and eventual achievement will be well worth every ounce of effort i put in. the process is important, but knowing the reaching the top of the mountain and conquering every obstacle is the most rewarding feeling should be enough to keep at it. that i should be proud of reaching and striving, all for the greater good

day 779 – when and where

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when is it my turn to take a real vacation to get away from this hectic life?? i have taken time off, i have flown and driven and gone across canada, but none of which was purely for vacation because i held competition obligations. i am drained, overworked and am in dire need of a vacation where i can just relax and get away from stresses of life no matter how big or small. there’s too many places, cities and countries on my wishlist; when and where will i be able to fulfill them??

snippets of summer

it’s past the mid way mark of september and the weather is looking a lot like autumn season. not everything has gone the way i had planned – in fact, many things have gone awry in the past few months but i can’t complain because all in all, summer of 2015 has treated me well. i spent a fortune to get myself yet another sony flagship phone, had my fair share of summer sweets and indulgence, and more doctor visits and scans were prescribed. there’s always a first for everything including: my first and second ever long hike, took a leap of faith with tumbling and flipping, ample time spent on the beach and in the water having the opportunity to try wakeboarding, wakesurfing and paddleboarding. staying in the game is always important for me as always, with another nationals complete, another walk with the dragon fulfilled, more tennis balls crushed, and of course never escape the physio and injuries aspect of life. my gym quests never stops even though much of the time i feel slowed progress, but slow progress is better than no progress. and even though the physio appointments and kinesiologist lectures never ellude me, there’s a lot of positive improvements in terms of occurences and length of rehab time required to get back into the game. although i did travel to montreal, it wasn’t solely for pleasure but more so for competition purposes. i do wish traveling does happen for me in the fall or winter season. here’s snippets of what went on this summer as proof it happened, that i took a few steps in crossing out some of the things on my bucket list

rebuild in motion

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i took a tumble recently, literally and figuratively, and really hit rock bottom but that doesn’t mean i am allowed to stay down forever. thought long and hard and now it’s time to take action and do it for myself. sometimes all we need is a fresh start to revive and the best way to restart is to begin with a blank piece of paper. i took it upon myself that i would wipe off all the unnecessary and negative influences and only focus on the positives that would get me to where i want to go. clear my mind of clutter, always remember to stay humble and accept criticism as more reason to work harder and find my strong. as far as i am concerned, there only one thing standing between me and my goal, and that’s will. willing myself to be accepting to change, to be confident, to be disciplined and to be happy with who i am. there’s no other time to start but now and i don’t want another opportunity to slip away, because it’s now or never. it’s time to train harder for the things i want to achieve, eat smarter to give myself a boost and make the right choices to live better and healthier for my mind and body. the key is to be disiciplined and stay that way, and only then will i feel proud to be who i am. expectations are meant to be met, not lowered. it’s never easy, but i am about to take my first step

reset in order

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through my struggles in the last little while to get past some major mental block where i have attempted to shut off the world and kind of turned against myself. during this stretch, my confidence level wavered immensely because i am unsure where i am headed and unsure if where i want to go is even plausible. is this what i thought i wanted what i truly want to pursue or am i just doing it for the sake of doing it? so many of questions along the same line popped out in my head and i kept questioning myself. it is scary to think that i myself don’t even have any of these critical answers. after hermitting and mulling about these uncertainties for several days, i think i am creeping closer to getting my answers. i think i see the light in the darkness, but the rest is really up to me because it’s mental thing more than anything. i need to train and build up my mentality game to be ready for my competition game. i have been involved in competitions nonstop without any rest, and a mental exhaustion is probably the main spur of this endless self crushing mental block. so for now, i think it’s best for me to step back to look at the broader picture. when something is obviously not going right, it calls for a break to make some adjustments. i am not sure how short or how long of a break i need, but i am positive that when i make my return, i will be stronger and better in every way

resolution series

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starting a new series called resolution series inspired by an article based on 30 new year resolutions people in their 20’s should make or consider making to develop and prepare for the road ahead. the second decade of our lives is when we discover the most about ourselves as a human being, and learn to pave the road for what is to come in the future. this is the perfect opportunity to explore, experiment and experience all our options in shaping ourselves and becoming the person we want to be. there will be difficult times when it seems like there is insurmountable obstacles and challenges that lie between the start to finish line, but just know that it will be worth it in the end. i live by, and am always reminded, that when there is no pain, there is no gain. i hate thinking of the regrets in the past so here i am trying to take my life by the horn and live life to its fullest without regrets. i cherish all those that have entered my life and made a positive impact in all ways possible and i hope i have impacted other’s lives likewise. without your support, patience and guidance through all the ups and downs, i would not have the strength and motivation to continually make improvements. you listened to me when i vented, you lifted me when i fell, you held me together when i cried and ultimately showed me the meaning to true love and friendship. i am grateful for who i have become but i am not satisfied with where i am at. it’s never too late to make resolutions and changes towards a better me