day 716 – take me back

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take me back home to where i belong. where the night meets the day seamlessly and not much could get in the way of me and my dreams. when i thought i had friends that would last forever and get me through tough times. what i dreamt i would accomplish and make a difference in this world. who i thought i would become to be strong enough to withstand. how i thought i would live my life, standing affront the beach and gazing out at sunset

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face it

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after getting some unexpected news on unreasonable competition policy and feeling rather disheartened, i have really let it slip and fallen off the tracks completely. at a point where i am getting the feeling i am on the verge of giving up and hanging it up because it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. maybe i am feeling the pressure of all the expectations and i worry i won’t live up to it. or it could be the preposterous conditions and requirements the school is imposing that’s making me feel like they are denying our opportunities to grow and improve. it scares me to have the feeling that the competition doesn’t mean as much to me anymore because my interest doesn’t lie within the provinicial level. i don’t want to lose sight of the intended goals and give up on the things i have been striving for all this time because i am not ready to let it end. given the circumstances and the time constraints i have to work with, i can’t afford to have any off days that will ultimately put me two steps back each time. really needing a little push to get back in the groove, because it’s coming up so soon and time is a pressing issue. it’s a challenge i will have to face and push through the mind block no matter how much i disagree with their decision

day 544 – fighting self

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it’s one of those days where nothing happened but i just feel really hopeless and everything appears so grim. the feeling i get that i am fighting myself where it’s a no win situation no matter what perspective i look at it. knowing what i need to do but still can’t do it is the hardest thing i have to swallow. as hard as this process is, it’s something no one can help me with and i must do it for myself. i better work hard to figure it out because time isn’t stopping for me. this is time for a self reflection and a true test of how badly i want it

day 480 – what happened??

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waking up next morning to find photos on our phones of all the weird things we actually did and awkward messages we sent. all evidence shows that we must have had the time of our lives. all i remembered was we enjoyed ourselves last night with a little act of violence and some of us went to the washroom too many times. the last thing i recalled was playing drunken twister and falling to the ground my head getting sat on. it’s one of those times you wished social media wasn’t so accessible. not sure at which point i fell asleep but we woke up in the morning seeing the chaos and feeling like zombies, but nothing will stop us from going for some recovery dimsum

day 479 – round two

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and so round two begins this time with a bigger crowd, more drinks, more food, with the same idea but a change of location. there’s so much on the table and so much at stake, i can foresee it will be an epic night that will go well beyond and into dawn. i don’t ever recall having this many drinking stints in a row, but i know my liver will not thank me for what i am about to consume tonight

none of this crap

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i have been unreasonably lazy recently and letting too many things slip without the slightest thought of feeling guilty. hopefully this sparks something from within and makes me want it more than before. let’s fix this while i can and get through downward fall because my goals won’t do itself