living through my falls

image

it’s unbelievable how fast things could change and how far things could fall. outside my shell, it’s hard to tell i have lived through two very rough weeks. but beneath my shell, my life felt very close to the “underworld”, filled with mayhem that’s got me feeling rocking bottom. the descend started off with a week long fever, cough then cold. i couldn’t muster much activity during this time; i was bed ridden and under endless medication majority of the time. my body felt weak as ever; all the ground i’ve gained has been lost, and deep down i felt even worse about myself because i couldn’t do anything to change it. luckily, i had a personal nurse that took care of me and almost felt more concerned about my health than i ever was. just as i was recovering from sickness, the nightmare hit me hard – literally. ever since being struck at dodgeball playoffs, i felt like i was living in a really bad dream. having a concussion is scary because everything felt out of whack. my head and neck were throbbing, my movements were slowed, my speech and thoughts were disoriented, my appetite was affected – the bottom line is, i wasn’t able to function like my normal self. what made it difficult was i couldn’t tell people what i was going through nor could i disclose the severity fearing they will not let me continue with my upcoming events which means so much to me. i’m feeling slightly better with each passing day and a week after the incident, i can safely say recovery seems like it’s on course. thankful mo has been by my side during this rough span. just having his presence makes things better and gives me the inspiration to think on the bright side even when times get tough. i’ve fallen very far down and lost a lot of the gains i’ve been working hard at, but now is really not the time to hang my head. i’m not okay with myself and my performance in it’s current stage, so i’m going to make it right. i must get it together and make up that ground in a hurry. it won’t be easy, but it will be done

Advertisements

stay the course

image

it’s been an atrocious week for me. ever since dodgeball playoffs ended last saturday, my world has turned upside down. a visit to emergency room on sunday morning didn’t give me the slightest idea of my finger injury status. i haven’t got a clue what was going on, what my path looks like, or what i should do. my biggest fear is the severity will keep me from training for what quite possibly is my one and only chance. i was really worried because i am already feeling pressed for time because there isn’t an abundant of time remaining and there’s a lot of training and learning needed to be done. this competition is one that i have been really looking forward to, so i would be more than disappointed if i cannot compete. but at the same time, knowing i will not risk entering the competition if i know i am not prepared to give myself the best chance possible. i was beyond stressed out because i couldn’t even tell my loved ones the truth of what happened and what was going on in my head. i was forced to really downplay the whole situation and acted like nothing is wrong when truth is everything was clearly not right. i spent the next four days really battling myself and everything else, and at some point it got so low i felt like i was a wreck. thankfully i am surrounded by people willing and ready to help. i knew i couldn’t continue to let everything get out of hand; i needed to pick myself off the ground and regroup because no matter what tomorrow holds, i needed to fix my finger. an acupuncture treatment was a good start to reduce the swelling and increase the mobility. a date to see my physio really put me at ease cause i trust him more than many, so when he says he’s almost certain there’s no fracture, i believe him. slowly but surely, it’s making progress and it’s looking a lot like my hopes for competition is still alive

day 850 – my time

image

running on my own schedule and doing what i want to be doing. it’s all about taking back the reins of my own life and steering it where i actually want to go, not because i must go. i am thankful for all the support i have received lately, it was a tough decision but i am glad to know there’s so many people backing me up when i need it most. when was the last time i could confidently say i am living with the freedom of choice. that’s living my life

day 849 – big decisions

image

i think i made one of the biggest decision since my existence but i also think it’s a necessary one. i’ve been in limbo for quite some time but i kept quiet and tried to hide everything inside. today, i took a huge leap of faith and let go of something i really should have let go long ago, but was afraid to do so. i sat at starbucks to recollect myself because i wasn’t sure if i was aware what just happened. now it’s time to collect my thoughts and think about the steps i need to take moving forward. this was an all important decision and i believe it’s the right one because without it, i would continue to be a robot assuming my regular routine. this really forces me to focus on what i really needed to do – think about what’s best for me

吳若希 – 我沒有傷心

i made this long weekend the deadline to make a big decision as to which path i wanted to take. i think i gave him enough chances and now i’ve made up my mind that it just wasn’t meant to be. the decision is made and i am happy i did because i will be able to live with that rather than having it linger on any longer. being on the edge of a relationship is tough, but i will be alright because love isn’t life’s entirety; life must go on. i am sure there comes a time when i will cross path with someone that was meant to be

resolution series: [twenty] happy

image

people can be too judgmental and materialistic these days. yes it’s true, you can’t live without money, but you can’t live with happiness either; and the last time i checked, money can’t buy happiness. sometimes it is the little things in life that makes all the difference in the world.  even as simple as an act of kindness can go a long with in someone else’s life. the ultimate goal is living a happy life and getting what you want out of life. be who you are and don’t let anything change you. do the things you like and don’t let other people tell you otherwise. it’s your life after all, so it’s better to live the way you want than to have someone tell you how to live your life. there used to be so many negative people in my life that always told me what i couldn’t do and what not do to. that’s more reason to prove them wrong and make sure they don’t make such assumptions again. i like my sports and activities. i am also aware that i am made of glass and gets injured easily, but that doesn’t stop me cause that’s what makes me. through sports i find happiness; its my happy place whenever i need to destress or digress. also enjoy hanging out and chilling with my friends, trying new things, eat out, traveling, exploring the city and the world. these things make up me and i can’t imagine my life without them. i will continue to pursue my dreams and passion for as long as i can

resolution series: [twelve] mindset

image

there’s never one solution to a problem or one route to a destination. different people will have different takes on things and often try to influence you in many ways so to make you see things their way, do things their way. it’s good to keep your eyes and ears open, but sometimes you just have to take a stand for what you believe in and stick with what you think you want to achieve. disregard what the majority of population thinks, so what if the rest of the world sees things differently. i learn that through the years you have to take into consideration people’s advice based on their knowledge and past experience, but there comes a time when you have to make a judgement call as to what you think is right and how you want to deal with a situation. there’s no perfect way of doing one thing. know that it is okay to be different because that’s what makes each person unique. find my own perspective, don’t let others decide and speak for me because it is my life to live. in the end no matter if the outcome is good or bad, know that i will be able to accept the outcome. that is precisely how we grow as an individual