day 2511 – squats and shit

morning squat session was a little ego damaging if i even had any to begin with. i set out to do one fifty five for three reps, but had to lower that expectation and couldn’t even manage two good reps on my own. what made it worse is i hyperextended my left knee again during tricking class on something i shouldn’t have been so careless with. i don’t know how damaged my knee and ligaments are, but all the bad thoughts went through my head. it could be a long, long time until i get to drink bubble tea again. i wouldn’t be able to land a new tricking move, i wouldn’t be able to cut down to my goal weight, i wouldn’t hit my two plate deadlift or my one eighty five squat. none of these can be achieved in order for me to lift my bubble tea ban

day 2383 – orthopedic clinic

for the first time in my life, and of my fifteen years of physio life, i’m seeking assistance from a different clinic. the physio i’ve grown up with doesn’t seem to have a solution or rehab program for my ankle. i left the first consultation with mixed feelings. it didn’t sound promising when the physio first read through my report. he said it was very rare that someone could rupture the most important stabilizing ligament like this. after seeing me go through a series of exercises, he said i look very much functional; so there’s hope i’d return to good capacity to pursue my competition dreams. i’ll trust what he has in store for me when get me back in the game

day 2342 – evo ankle

i went out to apex for my last workout of the decade and did a bunch of snatch work. the good way to end off the year off strong and be well prepared for more in the new year. i delayed this for long, but i finally went out and got the evo ankle stabilizer physio prescribed. i’m not sure when and how i will be using this. i honestly don’t know if there’s anything that can prevent the motions my ankle can’t take, but everything is worth a shot at this point

day 2327 – physio revisit

my day off spent seeing doctors with a stick and puck session in between. the last time i was at this clinic was back in march. that time i was already attending to the same ankle injury. the only difference is this time i already know that my ankle ligament is torn and there’s nothing he can do to fix it permanently. he worked on my shoulder and elbow for the longest time before putting my ankle back into alignment, but said i’ll have need to wear an aircast brace for stability. it honestly isn’t something i can accept for the rest of my life

day 2311 – relax and recover

somedays you just got to take care of yourself even if the sky has fallen. i really felt the need to just get away from the negative thoughts and try to do what will make my body better. i need to heal the rest of my ailing body. nothing right now can really change the way my ankle is, but i’ve been reading up on it and getting new learnings. talking to people with different knowledge and experience has also given me more insight and reassurance to some degree

day 2309 – mri results

i think shocked wouldn’t even be the correct term to describe myself after finding out the mri results. i’m pretty shaken that my ankle ligament is completely torn. it didn’t really hit me on the spot, but as the day went on and i digested this news, i’m feeling pretty discouraged and utmost concerned. it strikes me that i will forever not have this ligament and it will never heal itself. if not treated, i will have no chance of being able to do all that i love doing – my sports career will be changed and limited forever. i had some chats with doctors and friends, hoping to get their thoughts and views on it because i clearly couldn’t keep my head above water

day 2282 – allan mcgavin

starting off november with some good news. four days, five clinics and seven physicians later, i finally have my name on the long mri waitlist. back at the ubc allan mcgavin sports clinic again, this time the sports medicine doctor deems that mri is now a necessity. i’ve been needing this referral for eight months. the two doctors did a bunch of assessements on my foot and deduced the idea of a bone breakage. although a liagment issue isn’t easier to deal with, it’s a relief to know i can ditch the aircast

day 2268 – sky fallen

it feels like the world just crashed on me. i wish my first instinct was incorrect, but i’m pretty certain i’ve just torn my other retinaculum during the battle. it was a bad judgment on my part – i shouldn’t have tried to sync the cartwheel back tuck and should just went for it on my own. now my everything is in jeopardy and i can’t help by think that my hopes and dreams of competing or even tricking in general could all be over. it hurts thinking not even reconstructive surgery can be a solution and all i can do is keep waiting and hope there’s a chance it will heal itself to a usable state. no one truly understands the physical pain i’m going through at the moment, and definitely don’t understand how much this hinders me in all the things i do and love doing. i just know i’m not ready to say goodbye to any of those things

day 2119 – ankles ultrasound

it’s no surprise this step had to come after hurting it late february and it still severely limits me to this day. i went into downtown radiology to get some ultrasound done, but instead of doing just one ankle, i tampered with the referral notice and added my right ankle scan as well. i’m not really sure what is the answer i would like to hear, but an answer would be great so at least i could get started on solving the problem

day 1976 – eleiko platform

img_20200130_2040103655076142468907256.jpgi’m pleasantly shocked when i walked into city square steve nash to find two new sparking platforms with sets of bumper plates neatly lined up. i only wish brentwood would also replace some of their broken bumper plates. it’s unacceptable to not even have one full set of bumper plates in the whole gym. i stayed pretty patient for five months waiting for my shoulder to heal and now i’m itching to get back into olympic lifting. when not in motion, the ligament doesn’t bother me, but got to be extra careful and not go ham too quickly. i’ve wanted to refine my techniques and this might be the year to do it