day 2296 – missing me

this is an extreme pessimism post because i’ve seriously had enough everything. there’s so much i miss about this. i miss being able to move without so much pain and limitations. i miss being the fittest, strongest and best shape of my life. i miss doing backflips, kicks and flips at will. i miss playing hockey and dodgeball with all my teammates. i miss the soreness that came after every lifting and training session. i miss being able to jump and climb onto anything i wanted to. i miss the summer sunshine and being outdoors until night. i miss doing everything i can’t do at the moment

day 1380 – the mopesĀ 

img_20200204_1554044286597922811444132.jpgthis is the time when i don’t want to have feelings because i only feel pain. it’s atypical for me to complain about pain and let the pain affect my life, but this is not normal when i can’t even move my head to look down or rotate my torso to get up. not quite sure what the hell is going on with my body besides life being hell right now. it’s frustrating me so much if affects the entirety of my life at the moment