day 959 – reading list

image

this book might be able to give me much needed insights to clear my mind, refocus and push through and do what needs to be done. training the mind is something that’s been lacking in my training regime, and because of that, it’s also my weakest link. i believe my mindset and mental strength is what needs to be addressed in order to take that next step. i want to find my zen so i can put my mind back into its place

self satisfaction

image

this post took far too long to write even though i knew exactly what i was thinking deep down. i’ve been reluctant partially because i didn’t know how to word it so not to come on too strong. i had a strong sense that the tide has been swaying and that certain things started to change as of late. i was beyond stressed and frustrated but sometimes i can’t differentiate whether the frustration was directed at myself or others. i’ve always been a big believer that if i believe in what i am doing, don’t let anything stop me. i have some big dreams and goals to reach and if i want to give myself the best chance, now is really the time to gear down to make it happen. some are baffled why i make the many sacrifices i do just to reach a dream that may seemingly be meaningless to them. of course i don’t expect many to agree with all the commitment and sacrifices, and some may never ever understand. only a selected few will understand what i am going through and support what i am aiming for. one being those with bottomless aspirations and endless beliefs. the other being those who have been to big stages alike. life of a competitive athlete is not easy as it requires many forms of sacrifices, determination and commitment. because of what is at stake, we must prioritize properly, be it skipping out on events, running on tight schedules, operating with little rest, or passing up on booze. i am spread very thin with a packed schedule, but believe me i’m trying my best to balance it all. my road isn’t a smooth walk in the park by all means because i have chosen a road less taken. i’d be most gratified to have my trusted peers in my journey as long as its free of judgement and negativity. in the meantime, i will keep pushing forward as long as i know what i am working towards, what it means to me and ultimately what makes me happy

stay the course

image

it’s been an atrocious week for me. ever since dodgeball playoffs ended last saturday, my world has turned upside down. a visit to emergency room on sunday morning didn’t give me the slightest idea of my finger injury status. i haven’t got a clue what was going on, what my path looks like, or what i should do. my biggest fear is the severity will keep me from training for what quite possibly is my one and only chance. i was really worried because i am already feeling pressed for time because there isn’t an abundant of time remaining and there’s a lot of training and learning needed to be done. this competition is one that i have been really looking forward to, so i would be more than disappointed if i cannot compete. but at the same time, knowing i will not risk entering the competition if i know i am not prepared to give myself the best chance possible. i was beyond stressed out because i couldn’t even tell my loved ones the truth of what happened and what was going on in my head. i was forced to really downplay the whole situation and acted like nothing is wrong when truth is everything was clearly not right. i spent the next four days really battling myself and everything else, and at some point it got so low i felt like i was a wreck. thankfully i am surrounded by people willing and ready to help. i knew i couldn’t continue to let everything get out of hand; i needed to pick myself off the ground and regroup because no matter what tomorrow holds, i needed to fix my finger. an acupuncture treatment was a good start to reduce the swelling and increase the mobility. a date to see my physio really put me at ease cause i trust him more than many, so when he says he’s almost certain there’s no fracture, i believe him. slowly but surely, it’s making progress and it’s looking a lot like my hopes for competition is still alive

resolution series: [twentyeight] pity

image

everyone has their own problems to deal with, some less complex than others. there’s no secret that i have been plagued with endless injuries throughout my life. i have given up on trying to hide that, because i have learned that patchwork only makes it go away on the superficial level. unfortunately that’s just temporary fix and will keep piling on to account for greater problems. i simply cannot live without the sports and activities which i play, for it is the passion of my life. it won’t be forever, but it is my choice to continue playing and practicing them for as long as i can manage. i do intend on doing everything i can within my powers to do my rehab and maintenance work. my main focus is on getting better and stronger every single day; always be a better version of myself. don’t question my will to strive for what i want just because you have it easier. don’t question my passion to always stay hungry and carry on even when nothing goes my way. don’t question how big my heart is when you don’t know how much pain i have endured. don’t question my toughness if you don’t know what i experienced because very few people have a clue how much work, time, energy and commitment i put into making all this possible. standing on my own two feet was never a given to me, but i learn to be grateful for all the times i can. sometimes i sit alone thinking to myself i don’t deserve to be dealing with all these mishaps and i certainly don’t deserve your bashing or judgement. i need not your pity nor your approval for what i have to go through as i result of what i do. i was given this life and these obstacles because i could handle it. i appreciate those who’s helped me out along the way, it’s meant the world to me. if you have nothing good to say, don’t speak

resolution series: [twentytwo] mentor

image

the people i have been surrounded by have played a tremendous role in shaping me for who i am. they provided me with much guidance, endless advice and mentorship that influenced my growth as a human being. i have had many people guiding and pushing me every step of the way, either dragging me back on track whenever i stray away or making sure i don’t slack off when i shouldn’t be. i know for a fact, without the team behind the scenes attending to me when i fall apart, i probably wouldn’t be walking today. they have constantly given me motivations to train harder and train smarter to get better and get stronger. it is through them i learned that i must put in the work and work for what i want in order to continue playing the sports of my life. the coaches and teammates i’ve had the privilege of playing with and learning from also played a significant role. they have taught me the true meaning of teamwork, that we ought to work hard for each other. lots of credit goes to the instructors that inspired me and showed me to way to higher ground. i have come a long way from the beginning of my taekwondo journey, but i won’t stop knowing there’s still a long way to go to get to a level i never imagined i could be at. i am hoping one day i would be looked up upon, to be mentoring and inspiring others to become what they could never have imagined

 

resolution series: [twenty] happy

image

people can be too judgmental and materialistic these days. yes it’s true, you can’t live without money, but you can’t live with happiness either; and the last time i checked, money can’t buy happiness. sometimes it is the little things in life that makes all the difference in the world.  even as simple as an act of kindness can go a long with in someone else’s life. the ultimate goal is living a happy life and getting what you want out of life. be who you are and don’t let anything change you. do the things you like and don’t let other people tell you otherwise. it’s your life after all, so it’s better to live the way you want than to have someone tell you how to live your life. there used to be so many negative people in my life that always told me what i couldn’t do and what not do to. that’s more reason to prove them wrong and make sure they don’t make such assumptions again. i like my sports and activities. i am also aware that i am made of glass and gets injured easily, but that doesn’t stop me cause that’s what makes me. through sports i find happiness; its my happy place whenever i need to destress or digress. also enjoy hanging out and chilling with my friends, trying new things, eat out, traveling, exploring the city and the world. these things make up me and i can’t imagine my life without them. i will continue to pursue my dreams and passion for as long as i can

resolution series: [four] passion

image

twenties is often said to be prime time. it’s important time to figure out what you love and where your passion is at. if you don’t enjoy what you are doing, probably means it is time to rethink and explore your options. life is too short to dwell on what you must do on a daily basis, makes getting up every morning that much harder. it might be scary to realize you no longer love what you are currently doing, but it is better than realizing that now than in the next decade of your life. it may look like i knew what i wanted and where i was headed all along, but that’s not the case. it started off that way, but things change over time and sometimes the path may not be what you expected it to be. there are things i am certain about but there’s also a few things i have yet to figure out. i have a lot of self doubts and there’s no question i am afraid of failing to achieve what i set out to do, but it’s something i am working on. slowly but surely, i am beginning to find all the pieces to what i consider happiness. i like to travel, i like to eat, i like my gadget, i like the people i am surrounded by, and there’s no better place to live and do all that other than vancouver. i couldn’t be more certain about my passion and love for sports. being active is something i pride upon and definitely cannot live without. so no matter how many times i get injured or break myself, it doesn’t stop me from getting back at it even if everyone doesn’t agree with me. no matter what you do, do it with passion. life is a long journey, so make it worthwhile