day 2327 – physio revisit

my day off spent seeing doctors with a stick and puck session in between. the last time i was at this clinic was back in march. that time i was already attending to the same ankle injury. the only difference is this time i already know that my ankle ligament is torn and there’s nothing he can do to fix it permanently. he worked on my shoulder and elbow for the longest time before putting my ankle back into alignment, but said i’ll have need to wear an aircast brace for stability. it honestly isn’t something i can accept for the rest of my life

day 2320 – low life

sleepless on a sunday night does not bode well for monday morning. i needed a coffee first thing when i got into work. i couldn’t help but stay awake thinking and overthinking of all the things i may have to give up. i can’t stop myself from crying thinking my life as an athlete could come to an abrupt end. i hadn’t done all that i wanted to accomplish and i clearly hadn’t expected it to approach so soon. i can’t stand to open up and tell many of my injury status so keeping it to myself was my next best option

day 2290 – google toy

the first of five package to arrive is my newest google toy. during my recovery phase, i’ve got nothing better to do but to invest in online shopping. i’ve already missed my original targeted date in returning. the recovery progress is slowed and sometimes nonexistent. i’ve received four or five different diagnosis without a verdict. i can’t lie, but i’ve started to lose hope that even after resuming my activities, i will not do things nearly as good. part of me wonders if my ride is over and i’ll have to give up certain things that i really like

day 1192 – fizz see oh

DSC_3239getting my maintenance work in for my beat up body so i can continue to beat up my body. i like to be active and i will continue to be for as long as i can. physio did mention he was very pleased with how well i held up for as long as i have been away. it’s also nice to hear from others that they’ve noticed my improvement and acknowledge what i can do; that’s a compliment i’ll gladly take. i’m here because you inspired and challenged me to be, but i’ll never be satisfied with myself because i know i can always be better

day 1173 – no go

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concluded my month-long debate with a tough decision. my team was shocked with the news, but concerned about my well-being. i’m passing on president cup as i didn’t have enough training time to feel prepared for an international event. i do have every intention to compete at the grassroot competition on the same weekend; couldn’t pass up on both events because my heart wants to compete. there’s no way of hiding my disappointment. i felt so dejected there was no way i could get my head in it to practice today. perhaps when i wake up tomorrow morning, i might feel relieved that at least a decision was made. only time will heal both wounds

day 1154 – hold off

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i feel like i’ve lost control of what i can control. i can’t hide the disappointment that hit me when physio told me to stop and rest for a week. he rarely does that to me and usually lets me play within my limits, so when he does, i know it’s severe. that means skipping games, gym, trainings…does it also mean skip my competition?? how long i manage to stay away remains to be seen. overwhelming day with that news, school and more life questions

day 1149 – plate less

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it’s an off day away from the gym once again so here’s my version of throwback thursday. every time i walk by this rack i have the urge to lift these. it’s been weeks since i have and i miss it too much. i disregarded restrictions and tried on a number of occasions, but ended up giving my back more setbacks. i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t in pain more than half my waking hour, but i want to keep doing what i do. more importantly, my october competition status is up in the air if it doesn’t get better soon. i can only stay patient for so long, and i am not a patient person when it comes to recovery. when will i be back lifting normally without pain??