day 2503 – last of paris

a year ago was the last day touring around paris on our memorable europe trip. i could say i miss travelling and other activities, but i also don’t really miss the hectic ‘normal go go go’ life back then. covid has really changed a lot of what the norm is now – my life turned completely one eighty. it took a while to adjust to the pace, but i made the adjustment and don’t mind keeping it around longer. this could really steer my life in a different direction full of possibilities

day 1788 – stranger things

img_20200130_21205677140746512928020.jpgi’ve failed to do any of my heavy lifts for a while now because i’ve been so occupied with many things from all directions. to be honest, i think the number one cause that’s keeping me away is being overworked at work. i’m constantly stressed and sleep deprived, i think more than half a year without vacation makes me more weary than i know it. there’s not much of a work life balance and that needs to change. i’m going back to the drawing board to map out what needs to be done to get myself back into equilibrium – that means going back into the gym doing things i love

reflecting reality

img_20200203_1427116914704068731384794.jpghighschool really did feel like just yesterday. just like majority of highschoolers, i graduated and went onto university thinking i had it planned for the rest of my life. truth is, that thought couldn’t have been any more incorrect and far from reality. i went on to graduate just like how my parents had mapped it out, with an honours degree in environmental design. after a bachelor, i was suppose to do my masters of architecture and become a fully licensed architect. that never happened because acceptance rate was one in ten. i took a brief break but have been working since then. my point is, life is far from how i had imagined it straight out of highschool. i’ve chosen a less traveled career path unlike the stereotypical asian jobs. i’ve believed that my friends circle will remain unchanged. i’ve been misled that i’d meet someone who would treat me like a destination. i’ve learned that growing up requires unlearning the learned. it’s been a struggle as i continue to walk down this path establishing myself as a professional and finding where i truly belong. the start of the year has been really good to me; working my butt off has earned me respect within my peers. i’ve climbed the work ladder real quick liked my manager forewarned, and as a result have been delegated a lot more responsibilities. nothing was given to me; i had to step up and grasp all the windows of opportunities. because of the obstacles and challenges i overcame, i have become the strong woman i am today. i’m not where i want to be yet, but with my grit drive and determination, i’m have full confidence i will make my dreams a reality. i’m on a mission to finding myself and finding my strong. this is where it all starts and where everything will come together for me

day 1630 – keepsake gems 

highschool best buddy sent over a surprise with pictures she found while cleaning up her house. i laughed when i saw my artona grad pictures. was highschool really that long ago and have i aged since then? what have i accomplished since and was it what i imagined life would be like? no. i graduated highschool expecting i’d have taken my architecture masters, that i’d be working in my dream job making big bucks, that i’d be living in a mansion i designed, that i’d meet someone who treats me as a destination. most of that is just a fantasy, but what’s real is i’m proud of where i am now and the adversity i had to face to get here

day 1629 – lightbulb 


the can do attitude i bring forth has proven it can take me far. my role has expanded quickly since the start of january and i’m quickly recognizing that gaining responsibilities and gaining importance comes hand in hand. as such, overtiming no longer surprises me. after a hard day’s work, it was a good night chilling out with the long time taekwondo bros and sis. we’ve become such a close knit group over the years training, competing, traveling and drinking together. afterall, the road to nationals wasn’t easy, but we got each other’s back. the bond continues to be strong no matter where life takes us because taekwondo brings us all back together

shaping 2018

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2017 was challenging that staggered between many emotions, some happy, some successful, some difficult, some burdensome and some heartbreaking moments. i was struck by my most depressing moments that resulted in bottling up emotions where self destruction happened. underneath the outer shell, was three hundred and sixty five days of constant battle that left many unseen scars. after this three hundred sixty five day battle, i came to realize i had ample growth: grew stronger, became braver, gained experience and expanded my knowledge. the struggles gave me a different perspective in life, the achievements gave me hope to to continue to climb. life is a journey defined by how well one copes after being knocked down. looking forward into the next twelve months, i’ll regroup and pull myself together to find my strong. i’m a fighter and won’t stop short of reaching my goal. as long as i stay strong, keep grinding and never settle for less than my full potential. life is about betterment and i’m committed to being the strongest version of myself

the latter part of 2017 wasn’t the best of days and was a true test of patience. the long drought, the fluctuating health, the seesawing emotions were all big obstacles, but i made sure all loose ends were closed. waving 2017 goodbye knowing 2018 has much more for me in store

  • get back healthy and stay as injury-free as possible
  • consistent training and eating with proper sleep
  • step up my game and take it to the next level
  • setting my priorities and boundaries
  • love myself for who i am, love my family, love my friends
  • stay focused towards advancement
  • attain more designations
  • save up for the numbers game
  • explore and travel the world
  • devote more time on what sets my heart on fire
  • step out of my comfort zone and expand my horizon
  • acknowledge being a workaholic but appreciate the little things

i’m ready to start 2018 off strong and be the stubborn goal digger that i am. just remember the best has yet to come

day 1564 – warehouse sale

happily shopping for shoes to reward myself for a job well done. went shoe frenzy and tried on many to find the one that i couldn’t go wrong with. in the past i’ve neglected my own well-being and overlooked many of my desires because i was made to not feel important. i learn to grow, i learn to be stronger, and more importantly i learn to live to be treated the way it should be. over the next little while i will change up my priorities to be sure i put myself as one

day 1217 – seven to ten

img_20200204_2140381662529174013502486.jpgcrazy long day working and schooling for fourteen straight hours and hanging on with five hours of sleep. got home from class half past ten and felt too tired to even eat. it doesn’t help that i’m super stressed out about my term project due in a week on top of the final exam. i am still establishing a protocol to sleep earlier, all for my long term health benefits with the changes my schedule demands

fulfilment

img_20200204_2259236988350126470173169.jpgheaving a ten tonne rock off my shoulders is an appropriate representation as i haven’t felt so relieved in far too long. it may not mean anything to others, but to me, no words can describe how much receiving that call means to me. for the past year, i struggled to find myself, to accept myself and to be myself. i would hate myself for never being good enough at everything and for anything, often had internal war within. i went though down times that caused eating problems which consequently wrecked my body in too many ways. i bottled up all my problems and feelings, and avoided sensitive topics at all costs. it got to the point where i lost interest in a lot of things and wanted to confine myself in my own space so i didn’t have to talk. at last i opened up to a selected few; i need not to mention any names as you know who you are. i’m thankful that while i was going through my wildest and worst times, you came to the rescue and stood by me. thank you for being patient with me when i was going through some of the roughest times. for piecing me together and keeping me together when i was self destructing. for not rushing me to become something i wasn’t ready to become. for supporting me to find what i truly wanted. for accepting me with open arms and caressing me when i needed you most. it’s you that kept me afloat and a good reason why i’m still alive and striving to this day. through this process i’ve learned an abundance of things –  it’s okay to have weak moments but i’ve learned to be strong. many times i thought i had turned the corner, only to stumbled back in. today i can safely and assertively say i have found my way out of this gigantic hole, and i will only move forward in the direction i’ve always wanted to go but didn’t dare to go. i have a very good reason to smile as i’m leaving everything behind and starting my new episode fresh. i have found myself and i’ll be chasing whatever fulfills my heart

out from stumbles

img_20200204_2259385445243994943196726.jpglately i have been stuck in a rut fighting myself, losing my sense of direction and not knowing what i want to do with my life. i would carry on and beat myself up, then question whether my existence is meaningless. that’s not to say i have figured everything out, but i have decided to stop beating myself up and believing i am worthless. point is, i need to correct those behaviours because it would only hurt myself and hurting myself is hurting the loved ones around me; i hate to see others get hurt. i do feel apologetic for being silent and quiet about my problems, perhaps i am not quite good at sharing my troubled thoughts. i don’t mean to make you guys worry. it won’t change overnight, but i’ll try harder to be more open and vocal about what goes on inside my head. it’s time to realize i am not suppose to settle to be an average person, just like the millions of other human beings on earth. it’s time to step up my game and live up to expectations and chase my own dreams. doing so is nerve wrecking, but that’s the only way to grow as a person and expand on what i have already accomplished. i know that whichever path i choose to take, i will have the support of those around me. i want the supporters in my life to know that i was born for a reason