day 1826 – work calls

i went into work and did my lunch and learn presentation. i went not because i wanted to, but cause obligation calls. the way everything has unfolded recently left me feeling sour and i’m about to give up trying to reach for justice. i no longer feel like standing up for what’s fair and will just do whatever is said. the amount of work i manage, the amount of stress from all directions, and the lack of respect i’m receiving just doesn’t add up. the renumeration that was promised doesn’t exist. if things don’t change, then i’m on my way out

Advertisements

diminishing return

i take pride in what i’m capable of and the steps towards progression. i get that not everyone will appreciate accomplishments the same way. i’ve been on the receiving end of far too many discrediting comments that has no sentimental value. it would be nice to pay respect for my abilities when due instead of always heaving knit picky deconstructive criticism. leave it behind if it’s all negativity with no good intent; just don’t expect any in return. i’ve been disappointed that communication has been sparse and lacking lately. understanding the busy schedule that we run, there’s no reason to have no contact or replies until well after the fact. i no longer want to force anything so i’ll respond when i’m asked, otherwise i’ll stay behind the scenes and mind my own business. it’s kind of taken some of the joy out, but at least i’m not talking to myself. these are the little things that show a lot. life is a two way street and i’m a true believer in what you give is what you get in return. my patience isn’t unlimited so i won’t continually give knowing there’s nothing in the other direction

day 998 – under serving

image

some days i feel out of it and today is one of them where i am just really not feeling coaching and training. being at taekwondo made me sad on this day because i am struggling to find the motivation to pick myself up. the competition week is fast approaching and my preparedness is far from being competition ready. this is a big one, but my a-game is nowhere to be found. all i want to do in avoid thinking about it and hope it gets out of my head. i know this can’t continue and i am searching for a fix