day 2331 – no headway

i carried around a heavy heart today because i’m not sure what my tricking future holds. today is technically the last class day of classes and i haven’t made any headway. i couldn’t say anything while i was with the gang, but i broke the moment i got home. for the first time, i spilled what my mind and body has been intending to do. it made me think back on all that’s happened and all that didn’t. it hurts me so much that it may have come to an end. all i could do is cry myself to sleep

day 2290 – google toy

the first of five package to arrive is my newest google toy. during my recovery phase, i’ve got nothing better to do but to invest in online shopping. i’ve already missed my original targeted date in returning. the recovery progress is slowed and sometimes nonexistent. i’ve received four or five different diagnosis without a verdict. i can’t lie, but i’ve started to lose hope that even after resuming my activities, i will not do things nearly as good. part of me wonders if my ride is over and i’ll have to give up certain things that i really like

day 1452 – downfall

img_20200130_2314515776652021738369716.jpgsomeone said when you’re at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up – i don’t think so. in one of my worst and weakest state yet, i still find ways to fall further. i am truly disappointed and disheartened to the point where my heart turned stone cold as tears rolled down. i sense that i’m nearing the brink and any disloyalty would cause more than a rumble because my trust is not infinite nor free. it will hurt but i know that if boundary is crossed, i will not hold on