a much delayed sick day and stayed day home to do nothing. even after sleeping in until ten in the morning, i still felt really crappy. not only has my head been hurting constantly for weeks, i could feel my blood pressure is at a low and couldn’t get my head or body to function. knowing so, i had to deliberately feed myself some salt. although i didn’t go into work, i was still checking my work email hourly. not being able to make it out to hockey game isn’t so bad, but it’s alarming when i felt indifferent missing it
these things inadvertently keep me up at night. it’s been in the back of my mind recently and today put me over the top. perhaps i’m emotionally tired from tylenoling myself for the three jammed ribs. one thing i’ve set on is giving up on expectations of certain things if the importance was never placed to begin with. i don’t feel the same and i’m frustrated, but at the same time indifferent because i’m not about to press for something that cannot be attained. i’ve learned it was never there for me and if it mattered it’d stick
sleeping has been an issue the last couple days. falling asleep has become increasingly difficult; waking up feeling like i never slept last night. i lay in bed seeing the clock strike 2am, then 3am and realizing my alarm is set to ring in four hours. it’s never a good sign when i get agitated easily and don’t feel up to doing anything productive. these days when i am indifferent about everything gives me a terrible and empty feeling inside. could it be the stress and unease as the competition date gets closer??
i was feeling strangely indifferent about everything today, almost as if i don’t have feelings. i should be disappointed at myself for the slippage today, but it’s just a day after many disciplined ones and i will work twice as hard to undo it. certain topics that i didn’t want to see or think about came up and only made me stressed and press a little more. i actually looked forward for sunday to end so i can move on and get a better start. maybe i had trouble getting rest last night and had to get through a full day’s worth of things