day 2307 – finger splint

a splint on my finger is so suffocating and inconvenient. i hate how it’s so restrictive it is and how it prevents the swelling and bruising to dissipate. i get that i need to protect it when i’m out and around people, but whenever i’m by myself, i would try to remove it to let it air out. i know this is only week one, but hopefully i can get rid of this splint sooner than three weeks

day 2284 – inflammable

both my ankles started to swell up hours after my prp treatment, the right one more so than the left. i couldn’t move it up or down and i felt the internal battle and the pain within my bloodstream. the spots were tender from the needle injections and the area was burning hot. needless to say, i had a very rough and restless night because the pain was so much. i’ve never had it so bad that thoughts of amputation crept into my mind. i literally crawled to get tylenol hoping to catch some shut eye

day 2283 – prp treatment

in naturopath clinic to do my first platelet rich plasma treatment. these prp treatments will burn a hole through my wallet, but my foot left me with no other option. it was very neat and very scary at the same time; watching the machine spin and separate my blood into parts and having it put back into me. getting what must have been twenty injections was a painful process. i had both feet done and could barely walk out of the office myself

day 1540 – remote access

it looks like a battle of laptops, but i’m actually remotely accessing my work computer through the network. i have been granted permission to work at home on selected days to accommodate the hardship of the commute and discomfort of my ailing hand. people should trust and respect that i’m trying my best not to disrupt the work flow. i could easily take the days off and leave my team with my work, but i’m not the irresponsible type. it’s tough that i have a dysfunctional hand and must miss all my physical activities. beyond that, what kills me is knowing and then losing hope that my stuff is at all important. why am i so dumb repeating myself more than twice thinking it’ll stick

day 1522 – cavity checkĀ 

an extra unpleasant filling cause dentist said he had to use laser to cut some of the gum. that explains why i had four shots and still felt the numbing two hours into teaching. it makes eating difficult and it makes me hungry and not hungry at the same time. at the end of the day, i find myself a bit more disappointed with each passing day. it felt promising at times, but in the end i still haven’t been convinced. i’m still alone second guessing whether i’m only good and wanted when i’m willing to do what’s asked. it feels as though it’s more for the benefits and less of what my needs are. as long as i have this feeling, i will have my guard up and find ways to refuse it no matter deprived or not

day 1510 – hand pain

it’s back to square one. after my making my first catch of the dodgeball night, my hand was in excruciating pain and could no longer grip a ball properly. being me, i thought that if i taped it would allow me to play; if i taped more i could continue; and if i tape enough to make it immobile, i could finish the night. i finished the night, but once the last game was over, i realized i no longer have a functional hand. it does open nor close, it doesn’t hold a fork, nor a steering wheel; it basically doesn’t function for my basic needs

day 1405 – rendering

still made it to work feeling unwell since i need to crank out renderings for client. adamant on my gym routines after work regardless. part of my workout came to a halt when i felt sharp pain in my hip. i rested a little and popped some painkillers before leaving the gym with limbs shaking. sharp pain hit me again mid way through a dodgeball game; my hip felt paralyzed for a second and i couldn’t bend over. i have yet to play a robot night without pain and never knew how much this car accident would impact my daily life and movement. but what hurts most going home wasn’t my hip but my heart. this time i can’t really brush it off and pretend i’m okay with it