day 2267 – brief scare

taking that puck off my arm in last night’s game was a heart stopper for sure. my mind flashed back to so many things that happened during the time i broke my thumb. it narrowly missed my wrist bone; had it hit, i can’t imagine what the outcome could’ve been. i had at looked at by my physio friend and thankful i didn’t have to go to the hospital. i admit i play aggressive, but i swear i’m not careless

day 2052 – dessert delicacy

dinner, dessert and movie night with the group of girls to celebrate two march birthdays. trying out the new cheesecake and chocolate mousse cake from aberdeen’s spirtea. it’s one of those things that you can’t have all of so to share both the calories and the cost. we had sushi, assorted roasted vegetables and juke fried chicken while streaming bumblebee. it’s always good to catch up with the group now that some of them left the company

day 2037 – pink shirt day

wearing pink pants to the office to support anti-bullying day. this is one of the few times i will voluntarily wear something so bright because it’s a movement closer to my heart. i’ve been bullied in parts of my childhood because i was small and timid. as a result, i would not look like i can defend or stand up for myself. i guess that explains why i keep things inside my heart and my mind, and that’s developed a shell designed to protect my myself from danger

day 1495 – september stroll

whenever labour day weekend rolls around, i feel the need to get some the last of vitamin d before rain hits. good thing it’s still a hot day so i spent it with a stroll at fisherman’s wharf. the heat wave was strong today as with this summer season, but i’m not complaining. a change up was welcomed, maybe there’s hope that things will get better. illusion or not, my heart will soon tell it’s genuine. i’ll let it be the judge to see if it can be mended

silencing

the last week or two has been overtly stressful when i should be practicing but can’t. every waking hour means it’s closer to competition day, yet all i can do is feel hopelessly antsy and frustrated that i have to stay put. on top of that, i’ve been put under a lot of undue pressure to take on more than i already have. my plate is beyond full and i don’t know how i can possible pile more on without toppling over. the stress is making me lose sleep, lose appetite, lose my words and lose passion. being quiet is not a source of outlet, but i’m not sure if i’ll be understood even if i speak. who would actually relate to  how i feel and why?? as another competition nears, i just want to focus on that but looks like that’s too much to ask for. the pressure is once again getting to me and i feel less ready both physically and mentally. the pressure of expectations is both internal and external; i can’t bear to leave people disappointed and almost want to apologize prior to the event. this is really not the time to fold. i hate how i am weakest when i need to be the strongest. where do i search to find the strength to carry forward

resolution series: [twentyeight] pity

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everyone has their own problems to deal with, some less complex than others. there’s no secret that i have been plagued with endless injuries throughout my life. i have given up on trying to hide that, because i have learned that patchwork only makes it go away on the superficial level. unfortunately that’s just temporary fix and will keep piling on to account for greater problems. i simply cannot live without the sports and activities which i play, for it is the passion of my life. it won’t be forever, but it is my choice to continue playing and practicing them for as long as i can manage. i do intend on doing everything i can within my powers to do my rehab and maintenance work. my main focus is on getting better and stronger every single day; always be a better version of myself. don’t question my will to strive for what i want just because you have it easier. don’t question my passion to always stay hungry and carry on even when nothing goes my way.¬†don’t question how big my heart is when you don’t know how much pain i have endured. don’t question my toughness¬†if you don’t know what i experienced because very few people have a clue how much work, time, energy and commitment i put into making all this possible. standing on my own two feet was never a given to me, but i learn to be grateful for all the times i can. sometimes i sit alone thinking to myself i don’t deserve to be dealing with all these mishaps and i certainly don’t deserve your bashing or judgement. i need not your pity nor your approval for what i have to go through as i result of what i do. i was given this life and these obstacles because i could handle it. i appreciate those who’s helped me out along the way, it’s meant the world to me. if you have nothing good to say, don’t speak