day 2170 – road less taken

the tears that rolled uncontrollably down my face was a direct reflection of how i felt inside. as much as i wanted to stop myself in front of people, i simply couldn’t stop the tears from coming down. so much stress has built up around work, taekwondo, people and health that my emotional and physical state are torn inside and outside. all my life i feel i’ve been cheated because i never had the privilege of having the health most people enjoy. still, i push through and train through all my injuries, overcoming one after another. this time is no different, but four months is too long to go through without having a proper diagnosis and method of treatment. no doubt i’m feeling frustrated from the hopelessness

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day 1823 – team barbecue

there’s a few flakes but the team barbecue turnout wasn’t too shabby. there was a lot of drinking involved considering the rest of the guys are playing a game afterwards. i wouldn’t be in on any of the drinking games if i was healthy enough to play. i’m very disappointed i have to sit out, especially when i was ramping up my hot goals streak. the duration is indefinite until i get another assessment. i’m on a short leash so i could be off to the emergency barring any symptoms. i’m praying it’s nothing serious, but i’m also starting to worry more and more

day 1533 – obyf oddities 

acting obyfs cause more than half of the originals were not present for photoweek. showing up to the gym not being able to play is a bad feeling, but i’m taken there for my teammates. i don’t know how long i’ll be in a cast and in reality how long i’ll be out, but the bigger question is how long i can handle myself before the negativity begins to be harmful to my health and before i self destruct

day 1218 – irregularities

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i’ll get use to leaving the house when the sky is still pitch black. but it’ll take much more to adapt to sleeping earlier. stationary objects orbiting around me probably means something isn’t functioning properly. felt so faint for much of the day with a banging headache and stomachache. something is definitely wrong but i’m not sure what; i just know i don’t want to take drugs

day 1106 – hungriness

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for some odd reason i was hungrier than usual. even after a snack, my stomach was still hungry so i ate some tofu while waiting for my mom to cook dinner. dinner was finally ready and i am happy it had some of my favourite food like baked salmon and fresh corn on a cob. having an appetite again is a good sign; maybe it’s a sign that my lingering cold is really over; or maybe it’s a sign i am healthy again

day 964 – soup

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found a note and a big bowl of homemade soup on the kitchen counter courtesy of mom. i haven’t been home for meals much lately so i have been missing out on all her homecooking and healthy soups. she’s always concerned i am not eating enough and not getting nutritious meals in. i guess in a way she has all the reason to do so because in her eyes, i never seem to eat enough

day 713 – monday misery

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monday is normally painful to get through, but this particular monday is especially painful. an near fatal incident yesterday night, left me with some bruises and burns right beside my eye and almost certain a misaligned hip as well. need to get it checked out and fixed cause my back and knees are all seized up. i am just glad the tumble i took missed by eye by merely a few millimetres. meanwhile in toronto, this is happening and canada is doing well based on medal count