day 1841 – small gestures

i do a very thankless job where i’m always expected to do things right. it’s one that does all the work in the back end and allows others to shine. usually i don’t get called out unless something isn’t done perfectly or when something goes wrong. this is one of the rare times i do get noticed on a personal level. this card i received on my desk definitely put a smile on my face. the gift is a small gesture, but one that makes me believe i do my best to service others

Advertisements

day 1753 – korean consulate 

if i didn’t give some random reason, my shift would have been way longer than the eight to six i had. the competition was unorganized from the beginning when they failed to setup the ticket table. it was so draining, i mainly had pockys and chocopies for lunch. nonetheless, it went well for most of my students. i’m very pleased with the hard work they put into this competition and making the improvements they did. stepping out onto the mats for the first time is daunting, i know far too well. seeing all my students improve makes itch to get back into competition myself, but somehow i held my ground 

day 1553 – splint change 

third time into hand clinic and fourth set of xrays taken within twenty four days. new specialist has taken over my case and i’m still confused with how i’ll be treated. he wasted no time; i get a new splint made right away and hand therapy begins. she assigned four exercises which i had plenty of trouble doing on my first set. i’m instructed these were to be done minimum five times a day. by the end of the day i made much improvement with two of them, but still struggling with the other two. these are very basic motor skills that i’ve lost made me feel useless. i can only hope that if i keep at it, it will get better day by day

day 1477 – new salary

received my first pay stub with my new remuneration; means a lot to me to finally have my hardwork reflected in my salary. though that’s the only bright spot of the day as i woke up feeling really shitty about myself. a stomachache made matters worse and i didn’t feel like eating. i regret having dragged myself into the office but had so much work that missing any time wasn’t feasible. just as i thought my evening was getting better, a phone call from sifu changed everything and i all i could do was lay in bed feeling majorly overwhelmed but no one there to receive

day 1457 – sushiuomo

i quite like the new place we found and the temakis that was served. it was a feel good kind of day because i felt encouraged at work when my manager told me he praised me during the management meeting for how well i’ve been developing the new collection and the rhythm the technical team is in. makes me understand that my hard work isn’t transparent and good managers will always be there to let you know that

believe myself

image

i told myself time after time that i wouldn’t spill because i shouldn’t let any negativity ruin my holiday mood, and then things happened again which really put me over the top. people never realize how much crap i take from others. i take them in like a sponge, but it never dissipates. i just bury my emotions deep inside so no one can see; hidden so well others forget i have feelings, so well sometimes i forget too. i brush it off like it doesn’t hurt but it does. i just wished people were a little more sensitive with their comments and actions.  my silence just means i chose to hold my thoughts in, but the feeling of disconnect and exclusion still exists. it hurts assumptions were made without understanding how hard i worked. those who haven’t seen me at my worst have no idea what i’ve gone through and what it was like to get here. don’t look down upon me and make presumptions that i’m not good enough. i’ve worked far too hard for anyone to tell me otherwise. i learned that even when i’m belittled, i’ll still believe in myself because i’ve proven i can stand alone. sometimes a little consideration goes a long way because never underestimate the power of the little things that make a big difference

 

day 1240 – amrapping

image

my movements are still limited so i had to deviate from my regular thursday lifts. a simple workout that didn’t require a lot of equipment but required a lot of fighting with inner self. it was a heart pounding one that had me drenched within a minute. there were so many times i could’ve stopped and gave up but didn’t. i missed this feeling of exhaustion and really needed it, but my body tells me otherwise. i will wake up tomorrow in pain and my legs will hate me every step of the way, but i’m proud i pushed through. just a testament that i’m physically stronger than i think and that i need to work harder mentally. i feel like i needed this so i deserve to eat tonight