believe myself

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i told myself time after time that i wouldn’t spill because i shouldn’t let any negativity ruin my holiday mood, and then things happened again which really put me over the top. people never realize how much crap i take from others. i take them in like a sponge, but it never dissipates. i just bury my emotions deep inside so no one can see; hidden so well others forget i have feelings, so well sometimes i forget too. i brush it off like it doesn’t hurt but it does. i just wished people were a little more sensitive with their comments and actions.  my silence just means i chose to hold my thoughts in, but the feeling of disconnect and exclusion still exists. it hurts assumptions were made without understanding how hard i worked. those who haven’t seen me at my worst have no idea what i’ve gone through and what it was like to get here. don’t look down upon me and make presumptions that i’m not good enough. i’ve worked far too hard for anyone to tell me otherwise. i learned that even when i’m belittled, i’ll still believe in myself because i’ve proven i can stand alone. sometimes a little consideration goes a long way because never underestimate the power of the little things that make a big difference

 

day 1240 – amrapping

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my movements are still limited so i had to deviate from my regular thursday lifts. a simple workout that didn’t require a lot of equipment but required a lot of fighting with inner self. it was a heart pounding one that had me drenched within a minute. there were so many times i could’ve stopped and gave up but didn’t. i missed this feeling of exhaustion and really needed it, but my body tells me otherwise. i will wake up tomorrow in pain and my legs will hate me every step of the way, but i’m proud i pushed through. just a testament that i’m physically stronger than i think and that i need to work harder mentally. i feel like i needed this so i deserve to eat tonight

day 1204 – missing usb

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i woke up this morning expecting to work on my term project, but instead i spent the entire day looking for my usb drive. i was super upset that i lost my usb because it holds the only copy of the project i’ve been working on all term and i haven’t yet saved it onto my computer. what’s more devastating is i made immense progress yesterday and my model looked well on its way only to have it all vanish. i’m stupid for misplacing the drive. i will start the project from scratch tomorrow and hope to make this one even better. to whoever stole my usb, i hope you get caught plagiarizing

day 1108 – the feels

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had one tough workout session but feeling darn good about everything i accomplished, even though i may or may not have my legs tomorrow. it had everything from working on squats, to trying something new, to improving my snatches. the ecstatic feeling that i once again matched my personal record box jump height, with more certainty than before. spending quality time and finishing off the friday night chilling with mo, doing whatever it may be makes my day complete

day 1005 – korean belt

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received my all korean mooto belt that i have been eyeing as my birthday present. the only condition is i have to keep up with the training up to and including nationals. i admit i have more belts than i need, but they’re all different and special in their own ways. this one will be highly prized and maintained mainly for competition purposes. it’s one of those things that needs to be kept in pristine condition and only worn at special events. i wonder how many i have left in me

day 982 – squeaky clean

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i had the intention of washing my car many weeks ago, but i always found a reason to postpone it. it’s always been a top priority, but as busy as i was, i never had time to give my car a bath until today. i forget how much hard work is involved in car washing, but my aching legs were putting up a fight. after almost two hours, shadow is finally nice and clean inside out. no more chrome wheels excuse needed because my ride is squeaky clean once again

day 981 – news worthy

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it’s a pleasant surprise our results made it onto the local newspaper. so proud of my students and their achievements. this justifies that all the time i invested in them while trying to train myself simultaneously was worth the stress. they all practiced very hard for this event and i’ve watched each and every one of them improve before my eyes. it’s a great reminder for myself as to why i love coaching and why i am still involved in taekwondo. i hope they continue to work hard so i can eventually coach them to the national stage during my time