day 2303 – deterred

felt antsy and wanted to push my foot’s limit a little to see how it reacts. i did some step offs to test absorbing impact and it seemed fine. i then tried to jump onto a small box and that’s where the troubles began. i couldn’t bend very much before my foot gave in and collapsed in pain. no matter how many times i tried, i just couldn’t load my foot properly. discouraged enough, i moved onto test some squat positions and that was also concerning. narrow squat stance was painful but snatch squat stance was doable. i left pretty upset feeling no progress made with my foot

day 1419 – breakless

the weight accumulated in the past two months has caught up to me. on the exterior i act invincible, but i can only fool others and not myself. the more i tried to brainwash myself, the deeper i fall. at times i thought i didn’t want to fight anymore and wanted to give in. i fear that i’m nearing the brink of losing it – losing the patience to battle. didn’t have an appetite for any breakfast or lunch. i tried to bury myself with work to occupy every part of me

day 688 – ultra sore

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i was right about my legs feeling like they were hit by a truck. totally expected it to feel this way after yesterday’s visit. every part of my legs were sore to the bone and many times when i felt like my legs would give in. sitting, walking and all the most basic movements were all so difficult and painful. even when i wasn’t moving, i could feel the muscles pulling in every possible way. the world must have stopped spinning because i managed to climb into bed before midnight