day 1112 – unavailing

img_20200124_093219289420810503379077.jpgnot sure why getting out of bed was so difficult this morning but from the moment i climbed out of bed this morning, i was already feeling a little off. i started the day later than usual so everything was delayed. trying to get my work done in compressed time but the whole day has been unproductive. couldn’t get work done at home so tried mcdonalds but still not much got done. deadlines are approaching, need to get down to business or else my to do list will keep piling up

day 992 – stuffy day

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today is one of those hot and humid spring days that makes me think spring just ended and summer is well on its way. the temperature peaked at 26 during mid day; i was already sweating as i was standing inside the gym about to begin my warm up. i am ready to get my tan started earlier than last year. i am looking forward to this summer; there’s so many exciting things waiting ahead this season

 

day 772 – writing outline

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have my competition outline all sketched out but not ready for submission since it’s all written on starbucks napkins. been postponing this tedious and always stressful process but finally took the initiation to sit down and plan it all out. no matter how long i put this off, i will still have to get it done cause it doesn’t do itself. offseason is officially over, let’s get 2015 competition training under way this september and hope for the best

day 589 – burrard street

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looking skyward up towards the open sky and i can’t possibly miss the banners that hang on the lamp post. seeing that banner really hits me that there’s only a month remaining until the dreaded vancouver sun run. i can’t help but feel unprepared knowing there’s so much to do in so little time. must plug in those headphones, pick up the slack and run the hell out before it’s too late to feel guilty

all in a days work

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this reminds me of my physio crew that serves me so well. they have tried to hammer that the feelings of soreness, tired, fatigue, exhaustion are all part of the package because it means the training is working. for all the years they have known me, they must have heard every possible reason or excuse from me by now and no longer adhere to what i say or how i feel. as far as they are concerned, they will push me as hard and as far as they see fit, and give me no breathing room to escape. my reasons have little or no effect on them, they just listen and look at me but do nothing to acknowledge. even when i plead i can’t, their response is only “i don’t care, you have or do it”. so i know whenever something asked of me seems insurmountable, my mind is constantly finding ways to cut myself some slack. but no matter what i say or plead, the demand doesn’t change but all these can’t thoughts comes out so naturally. but i am grateful for their uncompromising and unsympathetic attitude, because they see that i am capable of such and that’s the only way i will get better. it is the main reason i have made big strides in the right direction – towards a healthier me

face it

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after getting some unexpected news on unreasonable competition policy and feeling rather disheartened, i have really let it slip and fallen off the tracks completely. at a point where i am getting the feeling i am on the verge of giving up and hanging it up because it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. maybe i am feeling the pressure of all the expectations and i worry i won’t live up to it. or it could be the preposterous conditions and requirements the school is imposing that’s making me feel like they are denying our opportunities to grow and improve. it scares me to have the feeling that the competition doesn’t mean as much to me anymore because my interest doesn’t lie within the provinicial level. i don’t want to lose sight of the intended goals and give up on the things i have been striving for all this time because i am not ready to let it end. given the circumstances and the time constraints i have to work with, i can’t afford to have any off days that will ultimately put me two steps back each time. really needing a little push to get back in the groove, because it’s coming up so soon and time is a pressing issue. it’s a challenge i will have to face and push through the mind block no matter how much i disagree with their decision

day 559 – what sun run

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what i was hoping would not happen is happening and i would deny the truth as long as i can. i received the confirmation package that i am registered for the sun run in two months time. been years since i last did the sun run when someone forced me so they could get bonus marks and did not thoroughly enjoy the process. i am not a cardio or running person but i guess it is a challenge i will have to accept. i might as well do some training to prevent humiliating myself

day 557 – lazy days

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continuing with my restful recovery week and lazy days turned out to be not so lazy afterall. the entire week has been very uneventful and least flattering, being stuck at home and unavailable for any physical activities made me feel beyond useless. i felt less dizzy today so decided to go to the gym and if i get through that without lasting ill-effects, i am heading up the mountain tomorrow

day 552 – vmo

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no secret what is the underlying issue that i try to slip through under the radar all these years. i knew it was only a matter of time until muscle imbalance catches up to me. today, physio finally forced it upon me to work my vmo using the muscle stimulator and i am already not fond of that device. both kinesiologist and physio flat out said it’s a tortuous process where the machine would cause a lot of painful contractions but said that i am forced to do it for as long as it needs to catch up. its a brutal process, but it must be done because he’s not going to let me off the hook anymore

day 537 – fitbit

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shit just got real and i dare not look back because things are about to change for the better. i don’t know what exactly sparked it, finally decided to make that big move after such a long time of eyeing it. it was not a matter of if i would get it but when, so figured i might as well stop wanting and start doing. i am super stoked to get going and kickstart what has been a pressing issue for me. now that i am a proud owner of this gadget, it’s really game on and time to make things happen