day 1478 – buckle down

it’s inexcusable that so many times i lose my self discipline and stray off from what i need to be doing. there’s been a lot of pressure from different sources of life and i’m struggling trying to stand my ground. i didn’t sign up for this, maybe i was meant to be alone in the dark, forever. i’m so stressed out; it’s been disappointing the stress has so much impact on my willpower and the lack of it. there is no excuse to not have a better habit and stick with what i want

day 1350 – on my feet

img_20200204_1609152670388466923934984.jpgjust as i thought the days couldn’t get rougher, more misfortune hit me hard early this morning. i was depressed and ready to pack it in but he reminded me of the positives. at the end of the day, fortunate to know that he’ll take the time to make sure i get back up on my feet. the company i received while doing something i enjoyed helped destress and lifted my mood; realized there’s still a reason to smile. this might be the last time i wear these skates; next time i lace up, i’ll be starting off fresh

day 1118 – fell off

img_20200130_2039418665489946250221874.jpgafter having fended off my fries craving for a week, i fell off the tracks and finally gave in. didn’t make up any sleep last night after a crazy busy weekend. i felt really tired in the afternoon but strangely couldn’t fall asleep. when i finally did, i only managed eight minutes of napping. i was suppose to go to a house party but didn’t feel like i deserved to so just went for a walk instead. maybe the built up mental and physical fatigue led me to make this horrible decision. i don’t know what went into me, but i just can’t let myself make these poor decisions again

day 869 – by the litre

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i don’t drink much water or liquid in a day but i was up very late trying to down this bottle of litre water cause i said i would. so i fell off the track this week due to the uncertainties surrounding my finger which is ultimately the deciding factor for my next competition. i was very down and worried to say the least but only bottle up all those stresses and downplayed it as much as possible so not to let others worry. the past four days have been horrible; i spent much time being stressed and depressed, and couldn’t will myself to do anything. enough of being a pessimist, no matter what my physio says tomorrow, i am going to get myself back on track at being the best that i should be. don’t write me off until physio gives me the verdict. but even then, just because i don’t go to this competition, doesn’t mean i give up on my next competition

day 855 – get it together

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feeling really upset with myself today for making poor decisions. also feeling upset that my hyperextended elbow got worse during dodgeball tonight. not cool especially with my all important playoffs coming up this weekend. no doubt i will turn it around starting tomorrow and stay the course. can’t stress how important it is from here on, no more hiccups allowed. need to constantly remind myself i have important things to do and big goals to reach

day 752 – back when i could

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another one of those reflection fridays because whenever i sit there with some spare time, my mind starts wandering and flashing back to things i am better of not thinking about. things were a whole lot different back then and i was a whole lot more innocent and carefree. back when i could do it with no regrets. i am trying so hard to figure out a way to get over this hump, get my mind and body together and continue where i left off because i ain’t giving up and ain’t going to give up until i get this once and for all!!

version2.0

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a series of crazy and unfortunate events that occurred the past couple weeks really put my progress to a halt and even taken many unwanted steps backwards. now that the results have come back negative and clears me for my activities again, i have no excuse to go anywhere but forward. now that i am back on my two feet and with much more reassurance, rehab needs to start immediately and i can’t sit around and wait any longer for things to come to me. it’s never enough to speak of it, actions are required. if i am hungry for it, just go out and get what i want, a simple theory that tends to elude me. it is a very simple process of setting a long term goal, and never stop chasing it until you can grasp it with your own two hands. until that day i meet the standards set, i will not be proud of myself. i am tired of being the old me that only wished but never worked hard for them. now it’s time to work my ass off for no one but myself, i am ready to create v2.0

day 568 – sheep year’s first

imageit’s a good start to my sheep year when i can go to the gym on the very first day. my poor legs and glutes are still sore but if i can walk, i make no exceptions. felt like today was an important one for me just to get myself going again and i do feel like i have turned the corner somewhat. i want to make sure i gear down and do it right because there’s really little time and little room for error. let’s make the year of the sheep a good one

face it

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after getting some unexpected news on unreasonable competition policy and feeling rather disheartened, i have really let it slip and fallen off the tracks completely. at a point where i am getting the feeling i am on the verge of giving up and hanging it up because it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. maybe i am feeling the pressure of all the expectations and i worry i won’t live up to it. or it could be the preposterous conditions and requirements the school is imposing that’s making me feel like they are denying our opportunities to grow and improve. it scares me to have the feeling that the competition doesn’t mean as much to me anymore because my interest doesn’t lie within the provinicial level. i don’t want to lose sight of the intended goals and give up on the things i have been striving for all this time because i am not ready to let it end. given the circumstances and the time constraints i have to work with, i can’t afford to have any off days that will ultimately put me two steps back each time. really needing a little push to get back in the groove, because it’s coming up so soon and time is a pressing issue. it’s a challenge i will have to face and push through the mind block no matter how much i disagree with their decision

day 563 – vday decadence

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it was a moxies kind of night. it was also a night i bandwagoned the whole eating protocol and got myself some baby bbq ribs. i figured pairing it with some kale would convince myself it contains a portion of healthy choices, that was until we received a free white chocolate ice cream brownie. been sort of letting it slip today after i was bummed out from some news regarding my competition obligations and left so bogged down i even skipped gym