day 1297 – where is it

img_20200204_1634398095597725676931528.jpgnot pleased that i just can’t find the determination i had when i was on top of my game. i’ve slipped far down and reality check startled me and no confidence took a big hit. i miss those days when i stayed focus on what i wanted. the hardest part is finding it and running with it. things will have to be different from here on because i can no longer tolerate my own lapse

building 2017

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2016 was one heck of a crazy roller coaster ride. the past twelve months gave me ample opportunities to experience more of what life is about. i found myself in the darkest moments where i shut myself off from the world, fluctations and eating problems ensued. i managed to dig deep with the support of my close ones, and got myself back together. nothing came easy as nothing worth achieving ever comes easy. behind closed doors, i fought many battles that no one knew about, but the most important thing is i never gave up on myself. i came to realization that i don’t want to remain stagnant and don’t want to remain the same so i took on some challenges. i defined what my goals were and was proactive in taking the necessary steps to get myself there. through the hard times i gained a lot of knowledge and strength that no doubt made a better me. it made me realize i’m much stronger than i think i am and need to get even stronger to withstand. i’m much closer to where i want to be but i’m not where i want to be yet. i’m still working on becoming the best version of myself

finished 2016 on a high note and looking to build a strong 2017 with bigger and more ambitious goals. it’s time to take it up a notch or even two and fulfill whatever my heart desires

  • stay as healthy and as injury-free as possible
  • train smarter and eat properly with sufficient sleep
  • be more disciplined and focused towards my goals
  • continue to work on my confidence level
  • love myself for who i am
  • communicate more with family and friends
  • explore the world and expand my horizon
  • attain supplementary diploma
  • appreciate being a workaholic, but also appreciate the little things
  • save up for the number game
  • revisit photography
  • do more of what sets my heart on fire

i’m pumped to make the next twelve months the best months i’ve ever had. find my strong. it’s now or never

fulfilment

img_20200204_2259236988350126470173169.jpgheaving a ten tonne rock off my shoulders is an appropriate representation as i haven’t felt so relieved in far too long. it may not mean anything to others, but to me, no words can describe how much receiving that call means to me. for the past year, i struggled to find myself, to accept myself and to be myself. i would hate myself for never being good enough at everything and for anything, often had internal war within. i went though down times that caused eating problems which consequently wrecked my body in too many ways. i bottled up all my problems and feelings, and avoided sensitive topics at all costs. it got to the point where i lost interest in a lot of things and wanted to confine myself in my own space so i didn’t have to talk. at last i opened up to a selected few; i need not to mention any names as you know who you are. i’m thankful that while i was going through my wildest and worst times, you came to the rescue and stood by me. thank you for being patient with me when i was going through some of the roughest times. for piecing me together and keeping me together when i was self destructing. for not rushing me to become something i wasn’t ready to become. for supporting me to find what i truly wanted. for accepting me with open arms and caressing me when i needed you most. it’s you that kept me afloat and a good reason why i’m still alive and striving to this day. through this process i’ve learned an abundance of things –  it’s okay to have weak moments but i’ve learned to be strong. many times i thought i had turned the corner, only to stumbled back in. today i can safely and assertively say i have found my way out of this gigantic hole, and i will only move forward in the direction i’ve always wanted to go but didn’t dare to go. i have a very good reason to smile as i’m leaving everything behind and starting my new episode fresh. i have found myself and i’ll be chasing whatever fulfills my heart

day 1211 – on the line

img_20200204_2140542980638338595319187.jpga weary week it has been with added stress and commotion. i’ve handled them myself to the best of my ability and dealt with them with a sense of urgency. i live through my passion that others may not see value or significance in. no one will understand how and why some things can impact me so much, but i’ll keep fighting for what i believe in and hope that one day they see it too. extremely relieved that i completed some tests and great to see that i can be a contender too; glad to know i’m wanted somewhere. i’m proud that i’m strong enough to stick with it

day 1167 – thankful

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wrapping up the long weekend with a relaxing day at richmond designer outlet. i’m very thankful to be able to surround myself with supportive people that’s been with me through my highs and lows. the support and guidance i received has gotten me farther than i could’ve imagined; the reason i can continue to live out and chase my dreams. i’m always a willing giver to those who saw me fail but never gave up; i didn’t give up because you didn’t give up on me. i’m not perfect, i’m a limited edition. i’ll continue to work my way towards being the best that i can be. it’s been an enjoyable long weekend with a lot of mo time, and now it’s time to work hard and chase the big dreams that awaits

day 1096 – walk of life

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everybody’s walk of life is a little different, this is my night time walk. i’ll find my way that leads to the path that my heart desires. it’s been a day of a weird long weekend full of unexpected circumstances and sudden turn of events. one that gave me a lot of realizations and held a lot of hard truths. although it was a laid back day, i am still very tired and could use the extra rest. i’ll give my body a break since i am too sore to benefit from exercising

day 1093 – dial back

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a day of climbing out of the dark and back into the light. the past forty eight hours had a lot more downs than ups, but i will spend much of the next hours, days, weeks and years making it infinitely better. i am strong enough to withstand the circumstances thrown at me. it is time to repair myself and look for new directions. i can always bank of having companions by my side to talk it over

resolution series: [five] follow your dreams

imagethere comes a time when self doubts and uncertainties creep into your mind and you wonder if what you are doing is the best thing. unlike math, there is no formula in life that calculates and spits out values or absolute answers of what is the best for you. as long as you do what your heart desires, it is the right thing to do. i feel like the last little while my life has been a roller coaster ride, sometimes soaring sky high and other times simply free falling. recently, i have been in limbo whether i have lost track of what i am doing and if that is still where my interest lies. i don’t want to be endlessly chasing something just because someone said i have to or just doing it for the sake of doing it. been putting a lot of thought into finding all the answers to what i really value, what i want to achieve in life, what i want to be known for, what legacy i want to leave behind and ultimately what path i want to take. i have gotten answers in some aspects, but i still have much to figure out. i understand these money answers will not come overnight because no one will ever have it crystal clear in its entirety and it is something one will take a lifetime to find out. john lennon once said, “everything will be okay. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” as long as i am progressing, i will let everything come to me and take it one step at a time, one answer at a time. stay true to yourself and don’t be afraid to follow your heart, follow your dreams. it also happens to be my motto i live by

resolution series: [two] decisions

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decision making is a skill that humans slowly develop over time, but one may not notice it is not an innate skill. every child starts off with their parents doing the decision making because we are too young to make sensible choices. i have always had my parents make decisions for me no matter how big or small and that carried through to up and including university. i started later than most people and have developed too much reliance on my parents and others which may be the cause of my often indecisiveness. all i ever did was go with the flow and following the the instructions they give. but there comes a time when they have to slowly let go and let me make more of the decisions. sometimes the choices i make will be good and sometimes not so good, but its all a part of growing up and a learning curve that i must make. sure enough my parents will always be in the background giving me logical advice to consider because they’ve been through something i haven’t yet. sometimes it’s as simple as choosing the shoe i want to wear, which may seem harder than it really is. but i am slowly getting the hang of it by taking charge of my choices and paving for the road i want to travel