day 2523 – nothingness

i had a super frustrating training session at tricking and left the gym crying. i’ve been going at cart fronts and btwists for some time but there’s next to no progress to show for. the coach would point out that i’m doing things wrong, but no matter what i do, i can’t seem to do what the coach is telling me do so he’s also given up on me. as much as i want to slow down and work on the technique, i don’t know how it feels like to be right. i feel so hopeless that part of me thinks i should give up on it because i’ll never get it. i’m told to take a break and work on something else, but that’s happened for all my moves, and as it stands i’ve accomplished nothing

day 2511 – squats and shit

morning squat session was a little ego damaging if i even had any to begin with. i set out to do one fifty five for three reps, but had to lower that expectation and couldn’t even manage two good reps on my own. what made it worse is i hyperextended my left knee again during tricking class on something i shouldn’t have been so careless with. i don’t know how damaged my knee and ligaments are, but all the bad thoughts went through my head. it could be a long, long time until i get to drink bubble tea again. i wouldn’t be able to land a new tricking move, i wouldn’t be able to cut down to my goal weight, i wouldn’t hit my two plate deadlift or my one eighty five squat. none of these can be achieved in order for me to lift my bubble tea ban

day 2508 – picnic dinner

last minute changes to co-worker’s birthday because dine in wasn’t really available. fortunately, the weather changed for the better so we could order takeout and have a picnic dinner. seeing my coworkers after months of separation is pretty heart warming. we had an enjoyable time catching up with lots of laughs. was planning to just chill, but ended up tossing a frisbee around, hid from big dogs and did a flip. i miss seeing their faces at the office and chatting on teams to get through the work day together

day 2504 – after class fronts

this week covers one of the move i really want – cart front. i was tired from the heavy squats earlier in the morning, but i really wanted to keep practicing after class. the coach came up to watch, but was displeased with what he saw and how i was drilling it. i felt bad because i let him down; he had every right to be angryhe grilled me until i could do it with the proper technique he wanted and sometimes being pushed hard is what makes me dig deeper. i really do appreciate that he spent time after hours helping me out with a move i really wanted. he’s also the one that doesn’t give a crap about my self confidence. i know i can handle it, but it’s also demoralizing

day 2501 – ankle breakdowns

very concerning my ankle just randomly decided to breakdown during open gym. my training session started off strong even though my energy level was low. my flash kicks felt the best it’s very been on blue. after a dozen reps, the pressure in my ankle was so much i couldn’t really weight bear anymore. the rest of the session was a drag because i couldn’t do anything and except maybe handstands. i guess the beginning was just a false sense of energy

day 2498 – open gym flash

still going strong attending classes and hitting up open gyms. i’ve learned that adopting to train everyday, but train at seventy percent may be better than going ham every other day. despite doms hitting hard after a heavy squat day the day before, i had a pretty strong session. i wasn’t expecting to do any power moves, but i was in for a surprised with both my flash kick and x-out. i took the x-out to the floor after two warm ups and it looked better than the ones last summer when i drilled them the entire session. my flash kick is starting to click for some reason; i wish i could take it to floor as well but i know i need to be held back to have a better margin of error before i do so. i have no doubt it will come in time

day 2491 – square one

nothing to feel good about in tonight’s session. back tucks and front tucks were passable. everything about my webster is wrong so i’m back to square one. i left the gym feeling disappointed and extremely upset with myself. stayed up much later than i should’ve, clearly bothered and frustrated with how my webster had broken down and in general how incompetent i was. i was already on a bubble tea ban prior to this, but now i made up my mind that i’ll be indefinite until i can land my webster on the floor

day 2456 – connecting handspring

got my first attempts at connecting the cartwheel and back handspring out of the way. with some assistance, we tried and tested different setups using the air track, panel mats and blue mat. my head hit the mats a number of times, but at least i know i can get over and it’s not that scary. the main takeaway from these attempts is relying on the push off. practicing for a stronger cartwheel will make the second half easier. i know this is totally achievable

day 2445 – bugged knee

a bit of a bugger because i was doing well in these isolating days until hyper extending my knee on what should’ve been a basic move. it prompted my leg to go into shock, but i was hopeful sitting out a bit would let me continue to train. it was difficult to train, but i wasn’t ready to throw in the white towel. i changed up with it could handle which was predominantly back handsprings and handstands. learning to work with what i have has been a challenge over the course of this recovery, but something i’m slowly starting to adapt to

day 2442 – training accountability

one thing that’s really worked during this quarantine grind is we keep each other accountable. both of us felt sore and tired, but we kept up with the training because we knew we needed to push through for the whole ride. we trained, but trained smart and adjusted to only doing things our bodies could handle. for me, it was focused on aerials, websters and back handsprings. it’s good that my webster is back on track and felt good after a few off days. i’ve also committed to do a better job at stretching to get my flexibility back