self discovery

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it was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way

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day 1096 – walk of life

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everybody’s walk of life is a little different, this is my night time walk. i’ll find my way that leads to the path that my heart desires. it’s been a day of a weird long weekend full of unexpected circumstances and sudden turn of events. one that gave me a lot of realizations and held a lot of hard truths. although it was a laid back day, i am still very tired and could use the extra rest. i’ll give my body a break since i am too sore to benefit from exercising

day 1093 – dial back

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a day of climbing out of the dark and back into the light. the past forty eight hours had a lot more downs than ups, but i will spend much of the next hours, days, weeks and years making it infinitely better. i am strong enough to withstand the circumstances thrown at me. it is time to repair myself and look for new directions. i can always bank of having companions by my side to talk it over

張敬軒 – My Way

a good song to turn to whenever nothing seems to go my way, when my life and future seems to get out of hand. uncertainties of what the future holds, where i will end up and what my life has in store for me. just remember that this is just one bad day and a chance for a brand new day tomorrow. there will be better days, best days are yet to come.